Loves Kleidouchos

Love was pushed into a boxChained,Left alone to ponder onIts existence in the darknessLove minded notIt was tired, needing rest.It had expended its energy,Rejected for its unconditional flow.The eons ticked awayMany kleidouchosSought to open.The lock held fast,Finally one who knewThe magic words,Coaxed love from within.Accustoming it to the bright lightLeading the wayIn the warm sun reenergised.It was hungry and gorged onThe sweet delightsPenetrating many livesBliss aboundedThenA chosen oneRefused second helpingsTorn and rejectedThe memory of its past failuresDarkened the very sunIt sought the box of its own biddingA slamming lid reverberatedOn the UniverseLove hid

— seabhac, Sep 26, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Critiques

Seren

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Liz

You got it right Liz,this is great piece of writing,its just poignantly sad beauty that love would go and hide again in the box ... nice thinking outside the box though, I am trying to push myself at the moment, going to try and finish one I have been working on for two months lol (hugs) great work I loved this one ... love and higgest bugs Jayne x x x

seabhac

16 years 8 months ago

Thanks Jayne

Every day holds the excitement of life and love and learning. I enjoyed writing this and will try to push out from the comfort zone more often. Hugs back to you Liz

seabhac

16 years 8 months ago

Shame I have disappointed

Shame I have disappointed you once again ...It might have been better to suggest an optional word for key keeper. The point of this poem was to depersonalise from the emotion so I guess you missed that and for me just now, love has no face. I appreciate your point of view though and you are entitled to your opinion but i do not agree in this instance. Seabhac

hugo la rosa

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Seabhac:

I'm really amazed at your beautiful words. They really reverberate through the digital pages of Neopoet. These are illuminating concepts, a wonderful treatrise of the boundless treasures hidden in the magic lamp of true love. Sincerely, Hugo

seabhac

16 years 8 months ago

Hugo thank you

Your words are as beautiful as any poem and treasures in their own right. I agree there are boundless hidden treasures just waiting to be discovered and love is an important gem in the awareness of true beauty. Kindest regards Liz

hugo la rosa

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Seabhac:

Congratulation on Spotlight! Well deserved! Sincerely, Hugo

bjp

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Elizabeth,

Five stars for breaking the mold! You note, I expect, that the poem remains sourced in you whether the word "I" occurs or not. But without the "I", the poem is more universal in its message and avoids the repetition of words which, except in special cases, is the bane of poetry. Of course, outside of the poetry, remember always that you are vivacious, intelligent and worthy, while the vissitudes of life are largely arbitrarily dependent on the commonalities and circumstances between erstwhile companions. Brian

seabhac

16 years 8 months ago

Ah so much thanks to you Brian

I have learned so much from this exercise and the wonderful encouragement and support I have had on Neopoet will push me. Your words ' remember always that you are vivacious, intelligent and worthy, ' Without explaining why , these words have touched me very much and have arrived, through you, at a very poignant point in my lifes path. Thank you Liz

Kailashana

16 years 8 months ago

Pushing one’s own envelope

Pushing one's own envelope is quite a bit more perplexing than pushing someone else's buttons. However, when we get an inkling of *love*, its immensity, we can't help it but work on ourselves can we, Liz? And we learn not to take so many things personally; it's good to work in the 3rd person sometimes. To see oneself inside the box. ~A