Blind to beauty in a bluebell glade - since you were gone

Hi Barry, don't feel anxious about critiquing, I feel you have a good gentle skill with it & a good intent which is what counts, I am happy to have your generous offers in that regard.. I did think of these elements also very similarly... I pondered the "hummed" for the same reason & left it because it was such a truth... sometimes the most awful reactions, the most devastating response is the seemingly weakest, for me being reduced to a state where the only thing that might keep me afloat was a small vocal stream spiralling out through shock & disbelief, railing & tantrums would have been futile... & humming also, but somehow it symbolised a quiet thread to okness. Still, you are the reader & in the end, if I must explain such a thing I am not sure the message is clear enough... my justification for leaving it was that the contrast of impact would be SO clear that the impact would reverse & be seen for the implosive response it was meant to express. Obviously that didn't occur. I also wondered about the repeat of the critical line, I think this is a songwriting hangover & cannot just now decide whether to heed your call, though I see it's validity, I am attached to it, I would like to hear some other opinions & think on it before I make a change... but I reiterate, your point is most valid for smoother poetry (it's frustrating not being able to go back to the poes as we respond to each other, it might be a useful thing to bring to the AEC, that in comment response the poem should be visible... I do feel it can be so valuable to dissect a poem & reflect after commentary such as yours. Thanks for your time & reflection. I may be away for a while (holidays here now) & will look at the poem when I can with your critique in mind. Ta Barry. xx Cheers Anni~ "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body". ~Elizabeth Stone

Thanks Ray... you have Neo-itis, you are confusing me with fellow Aussie I think, my name is Anni... Now I have read more of your work I can see a strong contrast of styles, so thanks for going outside of your own to visit. Cheers Anni~ "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body". ~Elizabeth Stone

Hah, I would LOVE to hear you read this!! That would be a treat. Lovely to see you here. I logged on to make sure I respond to a comment from you before I am away... so see you there x Cheers Anni~ "The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself". Anais Nin:

Hello my wonderful Anushka, I have changed the 3rd repetition, hope it works for you, I wanted repetition (lordy I am a wayward creature!), so there is my compromise, I think it works. And not unusually you have had my synapses buzzing from a simple statement, I am not so certain that a song should necessarilly be read as well as it is sung, I often find that lyrics of a fully magical song in melody & phrase just look like grey twigs without the function they were created by... but as always anything is a matter of taste & I hear your point clearly & it is as valid as any. Dearest Ann, may cloud dust sweep your dreams & sprinkle you with only joy & wonder, & may those blue bells ring softly to call you to the best life offers... I know it does, you are like me, I know, you find this everywhere, I love it in you!!! Much love Anni-bell Cheers Anni~ "The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself". Anais Nin:

Dearest Cat... your cat looks so contented, I feel you have such a warm, warm heart, good & true, & it is always like a lovely fresh breeze when you visit any page to add your gentle words. Thank you for these lovely reflections, I am so glad to have written something to have pleased you. Cheers Anni~ "The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself". Anais Nin:

Dear Brian thank you for knowing, as you always do, these deeper things .. the things of haunting & tummult or of wild internal flame. For years I had small rituals that no one would have known (almost no one, I've been known to spill on occassion, little elements of survival). It is lovely to see you here... it is. I miss my writing, I always wrote so prolifically, I want it back, I try to bathe that wound with grace, but sometimes I just want to stomp... heh, it wouldn't help, so, gently & with patience I pace each day & do as much as I can, some days it's a lot. I wonder how you are, I hope you are better. Do take care. Cheers Anni~ "The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself". Anais Nin:

Ah Hugo thank you, I'm not sure what else to say here except that, very kind of you & generous. Cheers Anni~ "The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself". Anais Nin:

What a lovely beginning here! & all the lovely imagery in the rest of it too, you are so good at this. Dear Dale, I love the sun so much, I love it's warmth & cheers & brightness, the way it brings shadow & line, yet I also love clouds & rain, & we will never have any without the rest, but I understand your sentiment, & thank you. I will always bless the times I have been drenched & storm tossed, they make me so much more appreciative of all the elements life brings. Cheers Anni~ "The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself". Anais Nin: