Southern Season Changes (a haiku)

Cold air fights with warm
in autumnal tug-o-war
in the end, warmth fades

— infinite_dwarf, Sep 17, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: E.A. Poe, Lewis Carroll, Charles Bukowski, Michael McClure, Lawrence Ferlenghetti.

Critiques

yenti

16 years 8 months ago

Oh Distant Little Person

I have given up on the Japanese things for now, as having only three lines I have to think harder, I think that your third line needs a (the)last but one word, not sure. I will leave that to you I hope you and yours are all well, Yours Ian.T

infinite_dwarf

16 years 8 months ago

Thanks, gents

Ian, I ran through tons of endings, none of them worked - and I agree, the one I had finally come up with was weak at best. The new ending popped into my head when you mentioned 'the'. Is it any better?? Little distant one turned into an icicle today. =( ~Jess K. ----------------------- "You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with.....a herring!" - The Knights who say Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-p'kang-zoop-boing-g'dem-zoo-owli-zhiv!... and formally.... Ni!

yenti

16 years 8 months ago

Distant Little One

Don't you just love a good ending to all things, and there you have it, covered in shinning Stars, Yours Ian.T

Cloudthings

16 years 8 months ago

I think you chose well, the ending offers so much to ponder

Instantly apealing & so clean - it's a magical style Haiku & you have weilded it well here. For me the ending is perfect, it could always be different, anything in life could. I think you chose well, it says so much & leaves the reader with so much to ponder. Cheers Anni~ "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body". ~Elizabeth Stone

professor

16 years 8 months ago

Hi Jess

I think i would be tempted to try and extend the tug-of-war metaphor a little more. Perhaps: Cold heaves against warm in autumnal tug-o-war until warm topples Just a thought Keith

infinite_dwarf

16 years 8 months ago

thanks again!

Anni, thanks so much for the compliment - the syllabic confines are interesting to work in; and equally frustrating sometimes! Keith - Great idea, and your suggestion clearly illustrates us here in the north-east where winter just blatantly bullies its way in. "my way" is the more subtle approach in the south where warm fades away instead of being thrown out on its ear! Maybe I'll give each side of the Mason-Dixon line their own winter representation, and incorporate your aggressiveness into a poem for the North. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "I called out of work because of anal euphoric myopia: I couldn't see my happy ass being there...."

Ink Dragon

16 years 8 months ago

Jess,

I really love it when you prepare a Japanese meal, erm, poem. The form seems to come naturally to you. (Is it in the genes? I've read a few of your mum's, they were awesome, too.) Yours, ~Nina

Candlewitch

16 years 8 months ago

:)

Having lived in both the North and South (Texas near Austin) and having experienced Winter in both, I would have to say, you're right on the money. I wrote a haiku string (of three) When I lived down South. I may just dig them up and post them, thanks to your inspirational writes. Always, Cat