What is Love?

What is love but turbulent torment!Like a plucked petal.He love me, he loves me not.My heart is purged of its own fireAnd set alight by your desire.It fills my whole, it fills my soulAnd rational thought departs me.I’d travel every ocean just to beAt that lucid time when you entered me.The light within now steadily glowsI know each day my love it growsAnd so from torment, life beginsWithout the pasts remembered sinsA hopeful future I can clearly seeBecause your love is within me.

— seabhac, Sep 14, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: GBR

Critiques

Seren

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Liz

beautiful poem I loved it I only have a couple of suggestions for you ? What is love but turbulent torment! Like a plucked petal. He love me, he loves me not. My heart is purged of its own fire And set alight by your desire. It fills my whole, it fills my soul .... it fills me whole I think sounds better And rational thought departs me. I’d travel every ocean just to be At that lucid time when you entered me. The light within now steadily glows I know each day my love it grows And so from torment, life begins Without the pasts remembered sins ---- without a past of remembered sins ?? maybe A hopeful future I can clearly see Because your love is within me. and they are just suggestions that i think will improve the flow , But this is a gem and simply getting close to some of the best I have read from you its another awesome write ... everyones writing so beautifully and prolificly at the moment I love it lol love and higgest bugs Jayne x x

seabhac

16 years 8 months ago

thanks Jayne

Yep I like the change of that one me whole and not my whole is definatly better. ( but out of context just makes me giggle) Not as sure about the second suggestion...without a past of remembered sins intimates to me total innocence of sins in the past and I guess what I was implying was that those sins were acknowledged but released. It is good to get feed back and question why we use certain words, it helps me reason things out. I appreciate it . Hugs back to you Liz

hugo la rosa

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Seabhac

Nice poem, very delicate, calm and spacious. The sound of the words may benefit from better flow, but then again no poem can claim to be perfect. On the whole, it's a great effort that needs to be commended. Gentle Regards, Hugo

seabhac

16 years 8 months ago

What is Love?

Thanks Hugo. Please make any suggestions about changes if you can give it the time. I have learned so much from the guidence of others on this site , sometimes it is the self questioning of why I have choosen certain words or phrases. I have much to learn and I am eager to do so. Best Wishes

hugo la rosa

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Seabhac

It all depends if the next word you are writing is sustained in its sound by the next one. It's like music: For example: What is love, but turbulent torment... Because there are two t's together, I'll would have placed an "a" so that it may have a better flow. So we have: What is love, but a turbulent torment... For me, at least, it sounds better. Gentle Regards, Hugo And so on. Check the sounds by reading the verses out loud.

Bonitaj

16 years 8 months ago

It seems you know!

Better than most - WHAT LOVE IS! Lovely write, innocent, trusting and one feels honoured - sharing that precious moment when you realized loves gift! "at that lucid time when you entered me" One small correction - 3rd line: "He love (S) me"... Great write Bonita j