DawningDaytripper

Sep 13, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Clip my wings

Clip my wings, Lycan ripping at my soullost beyond self controlfamine of thoughtplague of willgamble together and beg to feel Blood stains upon my stagedancing circles in a cagePage the demoncalling the devilcaught between each tiny level Sacrifice sanity for soupever onward in my loopbow to the foolcurtsy to the westrich in depravity makes it best Green clouds of such persuasionlingering without contemplationbond to breakchoice or fateclip my wings before I awake D.D.

— DawningDaytripper, Sep 13, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Robe valley, WA, USA

Favorite Poets: All of them, for differant reasons. Neopoet poets have influenced me the most over the last 2 plus years. Great teachers. Edgar Allen Poe, Dickens, way to many to list...

Critiques

Geezer

16 years 8 months ago

I don't see....

I don't see any problems such as you describe. I like this one very much, and I give it an awesome. Clip my wings, is a good title. Language is really good, The rhythm wasn't broken by the one little mistake that might have given it a hiccup. [with out] instead of [without]. The theme is in keeping with the ones that seem popular at the moment. The beginning and end of the poem, connected the whole of the work the way it should have. I am pleased that you have been able, in spite of your misgivings that you have produced a really great work. stars for the lady [gargoyle?]. I never heard of a werewolf with wings. [Lycan] Keep it up, xx Gee.

DawningDaytripper

16 years 8 months ago

Thanks Gee, I know that

Thanks Gee, I know that Lycan can refer to werewolves, in popular terms, but I felt it more as a shapeshifter sense and an inner "struggle" sort of way. But after reread, no one will guess what I really was thinking of, which is great. Usualy I can't stop myself from telling, but not this time. Thanks for the read and comment Gee, Julie D.D.

Seren

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Julie

LOL what Gee said ... its a great write hun and its got awesome flow btw ;) and you know how I love flow ... but this ones awesome, I will say one thing ? it has a different feel to all your other work , and I like it immensely ;) love and higgest bugs Jayne x x

DawningDaytripper

16 years 8 months ago

Yes differant, but differant

Yes differant, but differant is good, as you know Jayne So glad you liked it and thanks for the comment, your loved and appreciated! Julie D.D.

Seren

16 years 8 months ago

I was seriously tired last

I was seriously tired last night , and you are loved too ya little minx :P ... but i have to say this really is without doubt one of my favourites of yours its fresh and different is good!! I am always changing and chopping to experimenting and play now, and having fun with it,I look forward to your next hun(hug) its good having you back love and higgest bugs Jayne x x x

orgami

16 years 8 months ago

This one works very well Julie

and I heard on CBC radio (Canadian Broadcast Canada) as I work in the mornings of people reading their poems for a Western city poetry gathering This poem would sound great read aloud I had not really heard much of this until here however I say this is a very good poem if not great Julie Thank You!

DawningDaytripper

16 years 8 months ago

No, Thank you O. How very

No, Thank you O. How very nice to say. I hadn't consider reading it out loud, I'll be sure to think on it. Thanks for the read and comment, Julie D.D.

Nordic cloud

16 years 8 months ago

Oh I danced in this one

tripping through the night's dramas and unknown superstitions, through the casements on this poem, I loved its rhythm and its odd things just gave it the strangeness of the adventure in the wolf-ridden world of childrens and adults myth-like stories. Yes this is good, you are good Julie keep dancing your pen like Charlie Caplins 'shoes' for the little boy. Love Ann o Norway

DawningDaytripper

16 years 8 months ago

Thank you Ann, And yes I

Thank you Ann, And yes I will keep writing. Whatever else could I possible do. Writing is part of me. All the expirments to. Thanks again and much love my Bueatiful Ann of Norway. Julie D.D.

deelilah

16 years 8 months ago

Hi Julie

This was captivating. Very creative. 'famine of thought plague of will' Actually very deep. 'Page the demon calling the devil caught between each tiny level' Wish I knew where this came from. I would like to go there. 'Sacrifice sanity for soup' Juicy. Yours, Deelilah

DawningDaytripper

16 years 8 months ago

Thanks Deelilah, And yes it

Thanks Deelilah, And yes it is a little deep, I bet if you guess you would get it. You did tag the important lines that would give it away. Glad you liked it and the thanks for the read, much appreaciated. Julie D.D.

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 5 months ago

teeters on the edge of angst

"famine of thought plague of will gamble together and beg to feel" I loved these lines in particular in this poem that teeters on the edge of angst and begs resolution. Nicely done and rich with emotional impact. "well spoken" I might add. *wink* I found it only a wee bit heavy on the gerunds, but not bad. Many will relate to these ideas and thoughts. Good work here. ~Pamela

DawningDaytripper

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks Pamela, I look

Thanks Pamela, I look forward to getting to know you. Julie D.D.