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Voices in the Smoke

                                                       Oh man! i love a dancing fire
                                                                Although I often speculate:
                                                                   how many voices are softly
                                                                      taken away to meet their fate,
                                                                                they swiftly become aloft,
                                                                                 smoke lost inside the sky
                                                                                 it increases thoughtfully;
                                                                             in its own sweet time. Oh,
                                                                       how many voices could be
                                                                     silenced or removed?
                                                                    unheard, unsighted
                                                                     notions disapproved.
                                                                           climb the heights
                                                                               oh dear voices,
                                                                                    being robbed of,
                                                                                        lifes choices
                                                                                            do you feel
                                                                                          distress   or,
                                                                                        firm sadness?
                                                                                       In thought
                                                                                  our breath,
                                                                               ultimately,
                                                                         fuels the fire.
                                                                   Even as you twist
                                                                       and contort.
                                                                            while in
                                                                                 my eyes
                                                                                     this world
                                                                                         condemned
                                                                                                          you
                                                                                                             to
                                                                                                        your
                                          _____________________________demise_____
— Bosscombat, Sep 09, 2009

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Critiques

Seren

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

Fucking brilliant nothing

Fucking brilliant nothing else I can say darlin' loved the smoke spiraling up the page but reading down to nothingness awesome write spectacular looking poem ... I bow to the master love and hugz Jayne x x x
B

Bosscombat

16 years 9 months ago

:)

Heya J-knee 2 bums took me ages to get it to look like smoke lol and it still looks dodgy in parts but im glad you enjoyed it <3 ♣
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 9 months ago

I think JC took the words

I think JC took the words right out of my mouth... awesomefuckingbrilliantconcretepoem... I want more smoke in my eyes!! ~~A
B

Bosscombat

16 years 9 months ago

:)

thank you very kindly :) glad you like it ♣
Seren

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

((((((((((((CONGRATES))))))))

((((((((((((CONGRATES)))))))) on the big light thingy lmao hahaha no truely wonderful poem my brother I am never more proud ... does the happy dance ... when i read this I thought spotlight here It comes lol love you Jayne x x x
B

Bosscombat

16 years 9 months ago

:)

thank you dear the big light thingy is so bright though lol ♣
Geezer

Geezer

16 years 9 months ago

Brightness is necessary....

So to shine on deserving work and illuminate the darkness, with which we often paint our world. Nice fire! Gee.
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Boss

Still exciting me, lol, very clever, the smoke, not whats within, lol. You do have a great sense of the word and I find a lot of passion in your writes of late. Luv Em, and this write is just as great as ur others. Lyz XX
B

Bosscombat

16 years 9 months ago

:)

you like the smoke but not whats inside? lol glad your still excited lol ♣