jetz

Sep 04, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

The Victim

The Victim

It's not dark nor is it light.
Day is breaking on the horizon
though, certainly not a new day.
They all drone on.
Perpetual limbo.

How to break this cycle.
I am not a victim,
although, I play one in real life.

I have perfected all my insecurities.
Fortunately, many help feed them.
I would hate to do it on my own.
Thank God for friends and lovers.

I don't remember the beginning.
The end is not in sight.
I stumble through each day,
basking in the dark of night.
I long for what can't be.
Never would, nor ever could.
Oh yes, I play the victim,
and damn, I play it good.

Sue

— jetz, Sep 04, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: South eastern Connecticut, USA

Critiques

yenti

16 years 10 months ago

Jetz

This is a damn good piece, though I am going to be a bit pickey the balence from the first part to the second in line length and message could have been more Librian (new word lol) but your message was great and I liked all of it, Yours Ian.T

jetz

16 years 10 months ago

Hi Ian, Thank you for

Hi Ian, Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to this write. Glad you liked it. I appreciate your "pickey"ness, that's how we learn. If you look one more time sir, ALL of the stanzas are of different lengths. Honestly, until you pointed it out, I never paid it any mind. If any of my work fits into correct "poetry FORM," trust me, it will be purely accidental. I don't know shit from shineola...about much. I write what I feel. I do try to watch my spelling, and typing. Once again, ty. Sue , Oh, and thank you for the welcome message you left in my profile.

yenti

16 years 10 months ago

Sorry Jetz

It was just that the Balance seemed a little out, so there I went and became Picky and I couldn't even spell Balance LOL, you just let this ole timer, have a moan sometimes and if you can pick some good out of it, do so, but throw the rest in the bin, Just pat me on the head and Nod LOL, You take care of you and your writing as it was very good and I would like to see more,Yours With a lot of respect, Ian.T

lyz

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Jetz

This is really good, and yes, thank God for friends and lovers. You always seem to express your words so the reader hears. Very well written. Lyz

jetz

16 years 10 months ago

Hi Lyz, Glad you enjoyed

Hi Lyz, Glad you enjoyed this one. I was not in a good place the night this was written. Much of it was sarcasm...especially the line you liked. Someone once told me you should never explain what your poem really means. We should let each reader take away from it what they will. I think I will adhere to that now. Thanks again , for yet another warm comment. Much appreciated. I am still learning my way around here. There are a number of poems I want to respond to, and never enough hours in the day. May I add you to my friends list? Sue

mantiscepter

16 years 10 months ago

Victims

"I stumble through each day,Basking in the dark of night" Very nice to read, good use of words.

jetz

16 years 10 months ago

Hi Mantiscepter, Glad you

Hi Mantiscepter, Glad you enjoyed the read. You chose one of my favorite lines as well. Thanks for taking the time to respond. much appreciated. Sue

Hooded Stranger

16 years 10 months ago

Jetz

Great piece! I really loved this part: "How to break this cycle. I am not a victim, although, I play one in real life" Truly awesome line or two. It is actually quite a chilling piece, yet written with such simplicity. I am not into the 'God' thing (we can discuss that another day), so I didn't like the line: "Thank God for friends and lovers"...I believe we choose these and not 'God'. I guess playing the victim is something many have done before but are ashamed to admit it...damn it!...I know I have...but I'd never admit it...shit! I just did! Can I hijack your posting and drop in my 'Victim' piece? -------------- Victim Let me be your victim Scar me for life Can I be your slave? Mark me with your knife Don’t want to be special Simply just another Chain me, bind me Never be your lover I am dirt, treat me bad I deserve nothing more I am a wasted life I am just your whore Put shackles on my feet So I can’t ever escape I am totally yours My soul you can rape When you’re finished with me Chuck me away Move on to the next Leave me to decay When I get to Hell’s door On my hands and knees Bow down to my master Abuse me, please! A hopeless nothing I have become Too ashamed to show my face When I am no use to you anymore Send me to Hell for my disgrace A faceless nothing I have become Too ashamed to show my face When I'm no use to you no more Forget me and leave no trace © 2005 Unsqueezed Productions --------------- An stunning piece of work you have created here Jetz...I look forward to many more, kindest regards, HS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth and yet nobody sees me".

jetz

16 years 10 months ago

Hi H.S. Feel free to

Hi H.S. Feel free to hijack any of my poems. I dare say, anything any of us write, at least 20 more have a poem on the same subject. “Thank God for friends and lovers”… Sarcasm, completely, the entire line. Actually, the entire piece was hurt, and sarcasm. It was really YOUR poem, I just simplified it.. . As far as admiting to being played...haaaaaaaa, some day over a bottle of JD. we can have a long talk... I'm not a victim, but, I play one in real life!!! Thanks again Dan, for your warm comments, and your sharing of your work, and opinions. Your "Victim" brought me to tears. Very raw. Brought lots of feelings to the surface. Please post this in General. It's soooooo good, I don't think anyone should miss it and they might here. I am glad we are friends. Sue.......

hippiepoet69

16 years 4 months ago

thumbs up

this poem would fit very well on the XNXX site hippiepoet69

Hooded Stranger

16 years 10 months ago

JD and a long talk.

Sue, I'll hold you to your offer of JD and a chat. I may post 'victim' one day...not yet though...this is your 'victim' moment and I want people to be reading yours. Looking forward to chatting about your sarcastic 'God' line. I'll 'pm' you about it at some point. regards, HS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth and yet nobody sees me".

hippiepoet69

16 years 4 months ago

two thumbs up

A lot of very good lines. I don't care about rules. As long as I don't trip on words. Good and easy read with deep meaning. Who could ask for more. huey

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