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As The Sun Fades Away

                                    A sun sinks low to a dark,red sky
                      and as the broad horizon turns to midnight blue
                                                 I am saddened.
                                     My eyes tear strong as the sea
                         whose crashing waves cannot dare sound
                        like the drops that fall from my doubt-filled face
                        and find their fate upon the weathered earth.
                                 As the moon replaces the fiery sun.....
                            it asks me why I am crying with its glow.
                                     I look to it,clutching angry fists
                    to reply that a friend has crossed to another shore.
                                  and as I lower my eyes to my feet
                    that same moon offers its silvery light to everything,
                   with stars coming out from their cloud cloaked beds
                            to join the moon and I in quiet mourning.
— JWwildcat2012, Sep 01, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: Brownsville,KY USA

Favorite Poets: D. H Lawrence and Robert Frost

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Critiques

Geezer

Geezer

16 years 10 months ago

As the sun fades...

Yes, mourning is something that we all have to ultimatly do alone. I would change very little about this, but I would like to see [doubted] replaced, doubted face? Try, saddened, mournful, etc. And a friend [among] me? How about : A friend has gone to death's shore? Good feeling, nice write. Geezer.
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 10 months ago

Scott

Or, running with Gee's suggestion up there, a replacement with 'doubt-filled face'? Your closing lines with the moon's participation were especially good. Excellent selection of the title, too. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Handle every situation like a dog: if you can't eat it, or screw it, then piss on it and walk away!" - unknown
L

lyz

16 years 10 months ago

Hi

Yes I concur with the others, apart from that, a sad but brilliant write, once again. Lyz

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