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L
lyz
Sep 01, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

For A friend. Deicated to Jayne,(Seren)

I give you the sun,
To highlight your hair.
For to bring back the shine,
Oh Lady fair.

I give you two diamonds,
To put in each eye,
For to bring back the sparkle,
You lose when you cry.

I give you a rose,
To paint your lips red,
For to give back your smile,
That sometimes had fled.

I give you Ambrosia,
To sip at your will,
For to bring back your appetite,
And the void to refill.

I give you the clouds,
To free you from pain,
For to bring back your strength,
With the cleansing of rain.

I give you the night,
To help you to rest,
For body to slumber,
And wake at it's best.


I give you the moon,
To lay with at night,
For to give you sweet dreams,
Until the morning shines bright,

Finally, I give you the stars,
To shine in their show,
For to brighten your flame,
Forevever will you glow.


— lyz, Sep 01, 2009

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Critiques

Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 9 months ago

Ohhh… this is lovely. A

Ohhh... this is lovely. A feast for sore~~I's. ;-) Yes! Yes! Yes! ~A p.s. I know that you have chosen *for* as your frame of reference. Just a thought: how would it work without the word? And the end...forever you will glow?
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Thank u

You always have a wow factor with your comments, love them and they are always appreciated. Lyz.x.
B

Bosscombat

16 years 9 months ago

:)

Heya lyz This poem is awesome :) Jayne says she will comment later she's havin a rest and jazz. Congrats on spotlight from all 3 of us (me, snake and J-knee) This poem deserves it :) ♣
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Bosscombat

Thanks for the comment, never realized it hit the spotlight, I just like it when people read and comment.Jayne will curse me because she knocked herself out of it, but I see it another way,because I did not get to catch up and knowing she is tired etc.,this poem is actually my gift to her.As I have said before, Jade adores her, I might have only read her poetry and had a few chats online, but I can hear her, sounds weird, but she has a lot to give,so I just thought, something nice for her, so as far as I am concerned, she is still in the spotlight. Do u concur? By the way, if I write too much, let me know, I am the mouth in this house, although, Jade is heading for top ranking, and I seem to be pushing it thru to these buttons. STOPPED NOW.lol. Lyz.x.
Seren

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Lyz

This ones beautiful .... what more can I say its your best ... Love and hugz Jayne x x x ... I will read this every now and then its one of those poems for me really beautiful hun ... wow ... "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Seren

Your beautiful, this one is for u. Have a safe trip home, and I hope I can catch up next time. Take care.
Seren

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

Just pushed the nominate

Just pushed the nominate button and went out to check LMAO I just kicked myself out of spotlight so this could shine where it belongs :) congrates hun :P love and hugs Jayne x x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Seren

Sorry. You are sharing the spotlight with me. I just hope this one made u feel a little warmth. You have a big heart and soul and I just wanted to give you something back.I did not put your name on it cause u may have hit me,lol, but I do consider u a friend and one who has given most of herself to others, a little something back seemed to be appropriate.Once again, safe trip, and a big thank u to u. Love Lyz.x.
Seren

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Lyz ,

I cannot thank you enough hun , this is beautiful and I will treasure it always knowing it come from not only a friend but another extended part of my family .... I can't wait to see the kids and will get to see Jadey Babe before she comes back home to you ... I owe her for making sure my house was in one piece when I get home ;) shes got a big heart like her mother and you should be so proud of yourself, in a short time you ahve become apart of Neopoet, and, you deserved spotlight even before I knew it was about me lol and to think I voted myself out, you know I did it on purpose ?:P I knew you where close to spotlight lmao :P ... I am just getting ready to pack my bags and get my tickets and goooooooooooo home I cannot wait to sleep in my bed :D love and biggest hugs Jayne x x x btw ;) watch my posting's for the next week or two LOL:P he he he "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Jayne

See, you have a beautiful heart and your always there to help others. This was to show you that you deserve the best,( I'm a suck, hey.) lol, are ya smilin'? Seriously,I thank u for heaps, and I hope all is well on the home front,you have had a rough trot lately, having to come to Newy, the upset with ur purse etc. And even though I have not met the other kids, if they are as respectful as Trent, well u have done a great job.You should be proud. Yes, I wish I could give u these things really, I would have sent some boring bunch of flowers, but I didn't have the address. Lol. You still manage to give us a smile with your words, though. Now if ur home, Welcome home! Love from lyz,x.
Seren

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Lyz ,

I have to go back to the hospital on the 25th of this month we definately need to have that coffee chick I need to give you a hug for this ... you already gave me all those things in this beautiful poem , its one of the most precious things anyone has ever done for me ... its got a special place here already I printed it out when I got home it now lays with my poems in my folder along with a few other favourites from here ;) I am going to show it to Bethany ,she will love you for it, shes mums girl, though shes got snake wrapped round her finger a million times as well LOL she and Jade carry on like sisters they adore each other , Jade and Bethany have a lot in common both good girls with morals what more could we ask for ??? Lyz I cannot thank you enough for your kind words of support and you know all the shitty bits through Jade I know , It means sooo much that someone who hasnt even met me though Jadey babe has , could be such a wonderful friend, thank you Much love and Respect Jayne (((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))) "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Hey, how nice.

Of you to reply, u didn't have to. I am just glad u liked it and would prefer to have given the real deal. We all need a little kindness. I am not sure if I am sending privvy messages right, wheres Jade when I need her, Ha, so please let me know if u get them. I love the name Bethany, better than mine, Elizabeth, rrrr, I am glad the girls get on. And where would dads be if they did not have their little girls, even when they do wrap them around their fingers. Ha. Take care, talk soon and have a great birthday tomorrow. Hope they get u something fantastic and not made of plastic. Ha. Love lyz.xxx
C

Calliope

16 years 9 months ago

Lovely poem

I really liked this,Although the 'for's made me stumble just a bit.It wouldnt lose its charm without them.Congrats on the spotlight Lacy Where power corrupts,poetry cleanses.
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Calliope

Thank u, I suppose I should explain the,"for's",it is sort of taken from old context form and yes,it still sounds okay without, but if there is no pause between each line it rolls well. I am thankful for your comment and look forward to reading your work. Once again thank u, and for the time to read. Lyz.x.
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 9 months ago

hello Lyz

This is the best one of yours I have read to date. It is purely delightful and straight from the heart. I do have to agree with Lacy on the "For", though. I think it would read better without them. Congratulations on the spotlight, you deserve it! Always, Cat
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Cat

Always a pleasure and thank u. Sorry about the for's, I thought a lot of writers would have got it. Some old school form of writing, but hey, I am still learning and now I am wondering whether or not to edit. It is as u said though, it was written from the heart. Thanks again, I always heed ur words. Love Lyz.x.
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

16 years 9 months ago

Lyz

I see why this is in spotlight great poem ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Barbara

Where have u been? Thank u for ur comment, glad u liked it.Every time I look, you are not there. Are you okay? Now your back I hope you have something new for me to read. Every one on the site has been putting in 100% lately. It is Amazing. There is some new faces I have yet to read. But I am glad to hear from u. Love from lyz.x.
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

16 years 9 months ago

Lyz

I am here daily. I am busy with my classes and I am also working on an project for the site and don't comment much. Yes, I have something new I posted last night and is waiting to post another to night. hope you like them both. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Barbara

Glad you have been about, nice to hear from u, busy girl. I will catch up later, I am not on long today. Love. Lyz.x.
jetz

jetz

16 years 9 months ago

Lyz, This is absolutely

Lyz, This is absolutely lovely. I understand the comments regarding the "for," as I'm sure you do as well. Personally, I like the "For" in there. It gives it a rather "old world" flair, and with all that your poem is saying, I like it reading that way. Very nice rythm and rhyme. Nice writing indeed. Sue
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Sue

Thank u for your beautiful comment, and for the fors, lol, which I think may not reach some, but I am glad u understand. I think with poetry, it is the greatest gift to give, no matter the mistakes.Thank u for taking the time to read and comment, looking forward to reading yours. Lyz.x.
Seren

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

I vote leave the

I vote leave the "for's" lmao :P ok I gotta go or hubby will confiscate the lappy he he love Jayne x x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Hi again

Bye again.You Share.Ha. I'm leavin' the for's, .Ha,Ha. Lyz.x.
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 9 months ago

Hello

Second stanza: awesomely beautiful What a wonderful thing to write for a friend. =) ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Handle every situation like a dog: if you can't eat it, or screw it, then piss on it and walk away!" - unknown
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Jess,

thanks for taking time to read and comment, glad u liked it. Much appreciated. Thanks again, Lyz.x.
docmaverick

docmaverick

16 years 9 months ago

This is truly a selfless poem....

...and I thoroughly enjoyed it ! I studied the "case for no 'fors'", and I don't have a stumbling problem...of course, I AM sitting down.L.o.l! Thankyou for the write, and "kudos" to you on securing the "spotlight"...it is well deserved. "Write on"! sincerely, #{:-{)}8==== docmaverick.
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Docmaverick

Thank u very much. I am soooo glad to hear u did not stumble over the For's, if u got hurt, I'd never forgive myself, and boy, law suits are not cheap. Ha. Think about it though, if I dropped them, wouldn't there be too many To's? Just a thought. Thank u for the kudos on spotlight. I love the pic of your beautiful girl, and I loved your comment, I am still smiling. Love Lyz.x.
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 9 months ago

Tripping-through-the-fallen-rose-petal-dance

Tripping-through-the-fallen-rose-petal-dance:- A beautiful tripping-through-the-fallen-rose-petal-dance of a poem that I loved travelling on, as if floating down on an Autumn leaf seeing your words enacted as I fell. Leaving a most lovely sense of calm and love in my whole consciousness, a feeling I would like to permeate my day today, and never end. How generous you are, giving us and your friend, the gift of this poem, like the healing song of Native Americans, it banishes all ills and leaves us whole, and good. I found the last line wasn't so 'just right' as the rest how should we do it best? Maybe: and forever you'll glow forever you glow eternity's glow Oh I don't know, but it needs to be JUST RIGHT to finish off this most lovely worded poem. Yours with thanks and love from Ann of Norway
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Ann

Thank you for a beautiful comment and the time you have taken to read this. This poem is for a lovely, fellow poet, who has had a rough time lately, yet still gives so much, and I consider her a friend. Her writing makes you reminisce, dream, and I could go on forever, Her kind words and encouragement are given truthfully and this ,I suppose, was to say thanks. I love your comment, it read beautifully, and I will have a look at the ending, I never seem to get the ending of any right.I really don't know why, I will check it out. Thanks Lyz.
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 9 months ago

I am always a champion for

I am always a champion for the unexpected in a poem. The first 7 stanzas, follow a pattern. Does the last stanza need to follow the same pattern, or can it stand out and shout???? ...I give you stars to shine in their show, ...To brighten your flame to bask in your glow, ...my (precious) forever friend. Hugz, Anna
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Anna

Thank u for the comment, and the suggestion, I actually like it. Do u mind if I use a part of this? Example: I give you the stars, To shine in their show, For to brighten your flame, And bask in your glow. I have to have, For, to break up the to, And the finally, because that's all I have to give? What do you think? Advice would be appreciated. I know she likes it as is, but if it does need change, I'd consider it. Thanx, Lyz.x.
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 9 months ago

Yes Anna yes Anna

yes a SHOUT at the end I agree something extra special that sends the poem out into the universe to join those stars lyz is talking about; not sure about your bit, something even more, just more... Give it a try, I shall think about it. Love again Ann of Norway.
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Ann

Help. Lol. I do not know why, but I suck at endings. I suggested the above to Anna. What do you think?, I don't want to fiddle too much though. Any advice would be appreciated. If I dont get back to you tonight, its because I want to read some more before bed. Thanks again, Lyz.x.
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 8 months ago

When I read this now

I said to myself at the end "Forever to glow" simple as that! Its maybe not so but that struck me as being right all of a sudden. Only a passing thought as I watch the morning sun tint the tops of the crowd of fir trees that have gathered outside my window, standing on tip toe to look at a poem so lovely and with it send all our love to Jayne at the same time, on the sunbeams. Love to you all and specially you lyz for writing such a lovely tribute to such a lovely person, a sililoquy to ride on, and sail wherever she wants. Love Ann
L

lyz

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Ann H

Thank you for this lovely comment and I am glad you like the forever glow, I had some help with that part.Lots of love to you and yours,Love from Lyz. XX Thank you again.
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 9 months ago

Is it evening now? Where you are.

Not sure where you are or come from, perhaps the sky among the stars shine extra bright and I will look out for you tonight, you already shine bright enough here don't you? Yes that's better, the suggestion to our dear Anna Anna of the elements of air and sensitive mystery. She has seen a thing or two in that there sky I'll warrant. What are ou reading, or is it here among us you read? Good sleep and a wonderful day tomorrow from Ann of Norway with love.
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Hope you got my reply?

I wrote it on your profile, I think that's what they call it. I am still new to a lot, so bare with me . Gee, you have beautiful words. My step father and my daughter in law's descendants are from Norway. My stepfather's family, 90% blonde yet my daughter in law's family, 90% strawberry blonde to a deep red. One of her aunts went to Norway, not sure where abouts, but bought back a hand made tablecloth for her wedding table, from a distant relative. I love how our roots spread their branches far and wide. Thank you for reading. Lyz.x.
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 9 months ago

I am a citizen of the world

my uncle went to Canada after his uncle, my aunt marrried John Bishop of Adelaide, (musician and conductor). my cousin is a French journalist, my mother Scottish my father English, I am a citizen of the world and feel just that. You are all my relatives, part of the family of mankind. Ann......of Norway. Love to you all. P.S. Thank you Lyz for your reply, how lovely that you have norsk blood in your family, I felt I must have Viking blood in me my mother's family coming from the Orkneys and because I feel so at home here in Norway
L

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Ann H

Sorry I have not gotten back to u, bit busy. Boy, what a romantic mixture u have. I love to hear about our family tree from my aunt. Very interesting, makes for great conversation. Talk later, take care. Lyz. x (kiss) Ha!
hugo la rosa

hugo la rosa

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Lyz:

Wonderful, wonderful poem. I see it has been dedicated to Jayne, and I'm glad. I don't know, but I guess she may be sick or beset by some difficult problem. I hope everything works out for her, she deserves it, she is a great and always amiable friend. Again, this poem is excellent, all of it is just perfect! Sincerely, Hugo
L

lyz

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Hugo

Thank u for the comment, as u can see this was done a while ago. I made the changes, minor and it popped up again. I do not mind, I quite like it myself. Lol. Thanks for enjoying it. Love lyz XX
L

lyz

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Millage

Thank u for reading, this one was written from the heart for a dear friend. I am glad to be able to share with all. Love from Lyz. XX