DawningDaytripper

Aug 31, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Pearly dust

Clouds of deep pearly dust do conceal
our fruition a breath beyond the pier
Riding wings of the lost and surreal
reflecting life's dark forsworn mirror

A longing siren is my blinded guide
reaching, grasping, to wisps so true
Sailing on each waning waves rip tide
Silently drowning in so many hues of blue

Patience lost in the raw amber obscene
loneliness anchored within cold ebony
Hopelessly waiting is what I do mean
my brave being my only saving remedy

D.D.

— DawningDaytripper, Aug 31, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Robe valley, WA, USA

Favorite Poets: All of them, for differant reasons. Neopoet poets have influenced me the most over the last 2 plus years. Great teachers. Edgar Allen Poe, Dickens, way to many to list...

Critiques

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Julie

My favourite lines are these ... Hopelessly waiting is what I do mean my brave being my only saving remedy Great write huni loved it ;) have missed you will be round more later in the week .. love and hugz Jayne x x We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall ...

DawningDaytripper

16 years 9 months ago

Thanks Seren, I was so very

Thanks Seren, I was so very impatiently waiting for my Brave when I wrote this. Sorry it took me so long to thank you, stuff has kept me busy... Thanks again, D.D.

Nordic cloud

16 years 9 months ago

This theatrical dream-like

This theatrical dream-like utterance is evocative and strangely poetic, not knowing the cause or the effect and yet it stays in the memory as a story that had no ending. loneliness anchored with in cold ebony............within? Love Ann of Norway

DawningDaytripper

16 years 9 months ago

Strangely poetic? I will

Strangely poetic? I will take that as a good thing, I wouldn't want to be.. unstrange, LOL Thanks Ann, I have missed you so. I know it was a tad vague, but that was the longing feel I was reaching for. And I shall fix my on-going inability to remember that "with in" is wrong, you have told me a few dozen times... sorry. I love you all the more for telling me again!! I am sure it was getting to Paw to. Julie D.D.

Cloudthings

16 years 9 months ago

This is a great write, & welcome back

This is a great write & I loved it, & welcome back... I felt you were largely writing myself, that's a really good skill I think as a poet. We do all tend to look at how we can relate & you have used such potent descriptors (many so familiar to my own common terminology which is why I felt at home so much), these are deep terms of longing & somewhat foreboding. I hope you are coming back into the sunshine after this write, but that's another focus, really nice write, you get my nom & congratulations. Cheers Anni~ "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body". ~Elizabeth Stone

DawningDaytripper

16 years 8 months ago

What a nice thing to say

What a nice thing to say Anni, To liken my writting to yourself feels awesome considering I LOVE to read your stuff, you flow so freely and always have such a light "cloud" like feel for me. When ever I need a pick me up I go look for you. In fact I been absent of late, but have you ever been "dark" I may have to go scan your stuff and take a peek. I can't imagine it, therefor it kind of excites me. Anyways that was an awesome compliment, thank you very much. And no I am not incourging you to go dark, just excited by the thought.... it could be very interesting. And no worrys my writings always come full circle like the Dawn, I just like to expiriment and have been learning so much from our darker friends and it can pull me out of my box sometimes. Thanks again Anni. Julie

Pamela A. Lamppa

16 years 5 months ago

Dreamy

I liked your more complex end line rhyme in this dreamy piece of poetry. Though, the use of gerunds was a bit much, especially in the second stanza. ie longing, reaching, grasping, sailing, waning, drowning. The use of "do conceal" and "do mean" left me a bit off as we do not speak that way. However, I understand you were able to keep the meter and flow even in this piece by using those phrases. Perhaps something like this may be a bit smoother and still convey your message: "Pearly clouds of dust conceal fruition beyond the pier. Ridden wings of those surreal reflect life's forsworn mirror." Just a thought. As for content, I loved the ideas and the story presented in your poem. You held me through each stanza. I enjoyed reading this one very much. ~Pamela

DawningDaytripper

16 years 5 months ago

Well I haven’t been on

Well I haven't been on this page in a while, espeacialy to get two stars from someone I don't know. Thanks for reading. I will be sure to return the favor. Julie D.D.

Orphani

16 years 5 months ago

beautifuly sensitive with

beautifuly sensitive with rich imagery. You need to add your commas to aid the cadence. Really nice Jul. B

DawningDaytripper

16 years 5 months ago

Thanks barry, but if Ann saw

Thanks barry, but if Ann saw you tell me to add comma's she would die laughing and begging me not to. Yes, it could probalbly use a comma or two, but I was recovering from comma addiction at the time. LOL Thanks for the read Barry, your sweet. Julie D.D.