Fleeting Thoughts

We are bleed silently at some point in our life, you ahve just done it in word I just have a suggestion for you ? Sadness always has living face --- this line didnt work too well for me how about Sadness wears a living face ? Life [rends] a tear in solitary dress --- changed this line to make sense with the first line Occult shadow of my fortune tree There, I find myself bleeding silently. Its a sad write but well thought out and I only had that one suggestion otherwise it is a wonderful write ... Love and respect Jayne x x We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall ...

This poem has a beauty and sensitivity, that I find very refreshing. Your words match my contemplations, to the level of Synchronicity. Which I find fascinating, to say the least. An exquisite write. Raven

Your poem is imbued with a great sentiment for the poor and needy who suffer. Your first three lines, however, in all stanzas are almost flowing nicely, but the last verse on them kind of gets a little off the rest of the poem. Not in meaning though --which is excellent--, but in fluidity and sound. Otherwise, the lyricism of the poem is well in place. Regards, Hugo

I've read the other works you posted, and for me, this has the most natural rhythm and is both poignant and profound. I love your use of language, in particular, in the 1st and 2nd verses. I don't know if you meant for there to be a discord in the 1st two lines of the final verse, but I feel your rhythm slipped a bit there, perhaps because of the difference in sound between "face" and "dress." With the facility you have for words, if you did not mean for their to be discord, I have no doubt you will find the words that fit and would restore the flow. The title well suits the poem, and this does feel as if I'm flowing with your thoughts as they spilled onto the page (screen?). Excellent read.