An Idiot We All Know

So with open arms he welcomes all
he has his cards close to the vest,
his limp is getting so much worse
his foot forward is his best;

he's struck out with his favorite girl
'twas probably his strikingly good looks,
he claims to read between the lines
but he never opens any books !

He crosses many people's lives
usually with his fingers crossed,
add up all those crossed with him
and know how many friends he's lost;

claims he's never double-crossed his friends
yet he two-timed both his wives,
he's generally quite the cut-up
for his wit cuts just like knives.

He can't remember stretching the truth
truth be told that's quite a stretch,
he's not too fond of gag humor
but his jokes will make you retch;

with a leg up on the competition
because he's always pulling theirs,
he cares not, what troubles you
because he's troubled by his own cares.

He'll swear your secrets safe with him
swearing is one thing he will never do,
no matter how many guesses he's given
he will never have a clue;

He's really not a loser
but there's nothing that he's won,
it's funny how we tolerate him
but we tolerate him because he's fun !