Strides With Us

Stride within strides
where Unicorns hide
deep in the legends
in hills beyond time

Alpha Omega Trinities layer
should be held; by the trusted
whispered: hidden in tares'
worldly treasures; held in greed.

poisonous secrets
passions" empty, that breed
lifeless these meanings
words callous; untrue

bred from the hopeless
lost "in twilights first dew
fantasies" found reaching.
for believers who care

redd' for a journey
our challenge declared.
till find ,we do creatures.
this mystical place.

deep in the legends
where magic ;is laced.
dreams procured
enchantment : divine

found are oracles
in a tempest of rhyme
warmth in wisdom
again" passions: chime."

— mantiscepter, Aug 22, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

Mantis I see you have been working

But so have I LOL I read this last night and thought it needed a few tweaks but you have already been at it ... and I did a little edit so will leave it here for you to peruse and see what you think ... Stride within strides where [do] Unicorns hide deep in [the] legends in hills beyond time Alpha Omega Trinities layer to be held by the trusted secrets hidden in tares’ worldly treasures held in esteem a world's treasures held in esteem? lost by the poisonous traders who scheme who live without passions [for]'their worlds' undreamed bred from the hopeless lost, are twilights beams fantasies found reaching for believers redeemed [ready]redd for a journey our challenge is faced and finding these creatures This magic is laced .... ---- Words in brackets are words that I thought could be left out removing them helped with the flow, but these are all just suggestions it was the first verse that made me like it Strides in strides where unicorns hide thats priceless I love those lines, I am jealous LOL btw I love your new ending it fits beautifully Love and hugz Jayne x x will be back in the edits ;) "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

mantiscepter

16 years 9 months ago

edit: a place in?,

yes I needed to edit, don't know what I was thinking!! I hit submit, and started making up a new poem!!! oops. the next morning. o,k. I'll live through it I'm sure. By the way it's ( Lady Of Shalott all my new pictures will be of Her. see you on the rebound. Mantiscepter

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

Thank you

I love love that old poem and thank you for the heads up on our lady Shalott will let a friend know lol and I like these pictures I always love older art, it never wears ... Love and hugz Jayne ... And P.S !! LOL we all have nights like those my friend so dont sweat the little things "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...