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Z
ziggy
Aug 20, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Everything

Everything in sequence 
all in hand divine 
Everything holds  reason 
the poison and the crime .

Abandoned dreams forgotten 
your fate re-conceived 
tomorrow has forgotten 
what the physic once revealed .

Everything around that's potent 
the system and their secrets, 

Everything connected  consciously
rejected that's everything .







— ziggy, Aug 20, 2009

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Country/Region: IRL

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Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

16 years 9 months ago

Hi Ziggy...

I liked your poem but I did have a suggestion, in your first stanza it seems to need either punctuation to indicate the pauses, or more line breaks... personally, I'd go with the line breaks, of course... I could be reading the breaks wrong altogether, but here is what I got. Every thing in sequence all in hand divine everything holds (a) reason... (maybe drop the "a") the poison and the crime in your third stanza... there secrets... their secrets enjoyed the read, make sure you comment on poetry Ziggy, people need encouragement to know of poets. Richard
Z

ziggy

16 years 9 months ago

everything

enda, patrick collins. hi there thanks for reading and mailing me , to be honest i am no expert on how to arange the lines and that is what i find great here i love the feed back , I had no pc till yesterday since i joined this site so i had little chance to vote or comment on others work i am thinking if i comment on others work and get it wrong i might do more harm than good to others egoes lol , but i will thanks again and i will amend this poem bye for now ziggyyyyyyyyy