The Birth

how scared you were
afraid you could not do it
that the knife would have to be
what would release
our son into this world
the way it was with our daughter
so long before we met
 
I tried so hard
to sweep away your fears
that terror of the lost control
you knew would conquer your resolve
to give birth naturally

and I could see it in your eyes
that questioning
that subtle fear,
the doubt that asked
would I still be around
when the moment finally arrived

Yet in the end all I could do
was be there with you
by your side,
my presence the one
and only way to prove that I
wasn't going anywhere
except into this life
I've had with you

how many times I asked
to have your hand
how many times you replied
not yet, how many times I
waited patiently
for that to change into a 'yes'
   
I thought you would say yes
that day we walked
along the woodland path
to bring the baby down
holding you steady as you
stepped so carefully
beside the swaths of lupines
at our feet

You know the place and time,
seven years along our path
where our unborn future son
found that old huge tortoise
lumbering along
and filled us with his wonder
at a wild living thing
new-discovered

then in the birthing room
the waves of pain that
shook my soul with realization
of what you endured for us
for me
the hurting of your shaking grip
upon my hands that could not
even be a shadow of your agony
that shamed me for my weakness
in the face of your endurance

in those moments when contractions
made you want to scream
I knew you would not succumb
to the expediency of that knife
and when the doctor said
perhaps you should
the look you gave her said it all

after he was born I took our son
your child of mine into my arms;
the nurses all exclaimed
how quiet he became against my chest
I thought how beautiful he was -
as beautiful as his mother -
and I looked around, guilty
that I had not thought of you

and you were smiling, sweat-stained
bloody and relieved upon the jumbled bed
and smiling, watching,
propped up on your elbow
while the doctor said "lie down,
lie down"
and you were smiling
at my wonder at being a new father
and I saw what lay within your eyes
and then I cried, because I knew
I absolutely knew
that you understood at last
that I would be with you forever
and you were saying
Yes