Jesus Tells Judas His Dreams

Jesus Tells Judas His Dreams [series 2 of 2 poems] I dream of my mother. I dream that she is drawn and quartered by four feral stars. I dream she dances for a king. Her hips flicker, her breasts surge. I want the head of every prophet who cried your death, she says. I dream that I take her walking on the ocean. She stands and trembles. The scallops cut her feet. I want to swim, she says, and tries to sink. She kneels and pounds the surface with her fists. I want to be clean, she says, and tries to weep water instead of pearls. I dream that she loves my father. Her eyes pace his skin while he sleeps. They say that warm men give way to white ghosts inside women. Is that true? She asks me. They haunt and haunt, I answer. ~ I dream that she glitters with fever. Her body writhes on the bed, trying to thread a needle I cannot see. I dream that her last word twists into flesh as soon as it leaves her mouth. I rock the baby in my arms. I have always wanted a brother, I whisper.

— Diatom Shells, Aug 12, 2009

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tarcus

16 years 10 months ago

Jesus Tells Judas His Dreams

Free form or not there is no cohesion within the words... I dream that she is drawn and quartered by four feral stars. Starting a new line after drawn is the first of many mistakes that detract from the words within the poetry. The use of punctuation is apalling in my opinion leaving the reader stopped in the most unusual places and taken no further. perhaps I am getting too old for "freeform" styles...

Diatom Shells

16 years 10 months ago

....

thank you for your comment and yes my punctuation IS appalling I really need to take a creative writing class or something but as for cohesion theres a study done that says we only dream a couple seconds on average and then we are right on to the next subject. this isn't that serious just a dream poem but I agree with the punctation im not very good at technicalities. thank you tarcus -diatom shells

orgami

16 years 10 months ago

Waited a few days to comment on this

I am so glad for Freeform its not hard to figure it means this FREE meaning freedom or not bound by rules FORM meaning a type of expectation or rule its not rocket science its Poetry which is from a creative place a spirit that you posess and I can see feel and read so well I like the abstract of it my mind hungers for something beyond the stretch of norm I am most interested in your "dream" rythymn telling of the style of this It makes perfect sense and it is exactly the manner in which I try to flow my poems also (As you have pointed out in your first introduction to me as a fellow diplomat poet on a comment) I watch many music videos and movies and am enthralled at the flow from scene to scene In stage it is so much harder to construct the physical dynamics fluid dymanics interest me and the new use of MRI scans show the literal physical flow in how our thoughts work in tandem with the physical And the new computer engines are opening up visual and aural at a slow and developing pace Just seems like yesterday we had the MOOG now the MIDI reading your poems requires me to not think about the traditional constraints and its this kind of new thinking that gives the new stretching of process Like DeBono teachings that the answer is not sometimes A or B but C I absolutely think you are a most talented writer and creative soul I personaly love Milton and Joseph Conrad Atwood whom know their hyphens commas apostrophes to a semi colon but I much prefer your style "her eyes pace his skin while he sleeps" my god but you can write

Diatom Shells

16 years 10 months ago

yes feedom..

is perfect in a perfect world of art. I am glad I don't HAVE to write in such constraints as to hinder the creative force in my soul. or else, im afraid, I would be bland. I think there is no real right way to write poetry to say so says that I know what poetry is and have a clean definition as to what that means and no one does it is very much a creativity poured into an eessence of name. beautiful. thanx orgami for understanding a litle deeper -diatom shells

Nordic cloud

16 years 10 months ago

A peculiar dream, like a

A peculiar dream, like a constructed dream, not a REAL dream for me. I see and experience absurd things but seldom so absurd as you paint here, how odd we are with dreams, they are so inexplicable and overdone. I don't think I enjoyed yours to be honest, I sympathise with you for having had such a dream if you have, shudder. That is apart from the biblical ref. I am not qualified to enter into debate on that. I see Orgami has some deep understading of your aims as I am unqualified to give you. Yours Ann of Norway

Diatom Shells

16 years 10 months ago

cracking...

im cracking up at the shudder part. I actually have never had this dream but I've had worse it may have something to do with my crazy imagination lol. thank you for your feedback I've never laughed so hard. [I've scared my first victim] -diatom shells feeling mischievious