Seren

Aug 10, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Drifting Sands of Life

Four grains of sand
fell through time
magic conjured
they flow sublime

The wildest piece
is running free
not minding puddles
this tempest of three

In coarser grade
foundations made
in desert spans
a road is paved

The smallest light
of softest doves
a floating golden
sand of love

The last of grains
the youngest yet
battles with life
a grinding test

Four grains of sand
dream sifted within
I release my hold
to watch life begin

— Seren, Aug 10, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Bosscombat

16 years 10 months ago

:)

if jakes a grain of sand i hate to think how small i am :p loved it

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

LMAO ... Sorry couldn't not laugh at your comment and rhyme divine, he just hit 6'7 so I guess he is rather large hey LOL ... thanks for the read and I am glad you liked it .. don't know what the kids will think of me making them into sand but eh poetic licence and all that ... thanks for the read huni much love and hugz Jayne x x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

infinite_dwarf

16 years 10 months ago

Jayne

I liked the title as it was quite catchy. I enjoyed the write, too, reminded me of each of the leaves on a four leafed clover: love, luck, faith, and hope. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Handle every situation like a dog: if you can't eat it, or screw it, then piss on it and walk away!" - unknown

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Jess

I had problems Naming this one, I am stoked you like the title I wrecked me brain trying to think of one lol ... And you know I never thought of a four leaf clover but it works doesnt it ? thank you for your comment Jess so happy you liked it ... (hug) love and hugz Jayne x x Btw I love your new picture :) "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Kailashana

16 years 10 months ago

Almost has perfect as a

Almost has perfect as a perfect poem, is the way the poem leads us to our home. The associations we make... I love this poem, more so to learn it is about your four children Seren. 6'7", some baby, eh? One of my son's best friends had 5 brothers--at 6'4" he was the baby and the shortest... his mother was less than 5' as his 2 sisters. Mom was a cop. ~A "If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is wound up in mine, then let us work together." Aboriginal Activist Group, Queensland, 1970's

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Anna

If i have done anything good in this life it was my kids they are the lights of my life, my best friends, and constant source of joy (and at times worry but you know what I am saying) and I couldn't be more proud of how they have grown up ... *Trents the wildest grain hes a free spirit , still finding his path but with a loving heart ahhhhh hes my worry(hes like I was) but I adore his spirit for life and 21 this year *Jacob(Jake) is the courser grade hes the 6'7 mammoth at 18 , he's been here before Anna, even when he was young he had knowing eyes , but never far from mum he wasnt, and just accepted into the army yesterday sooooo not long and hes gone into the four winds ... :( *Bethanys the floating golden sand of love , I dont have the words to say how proud I am of my girl shes a smart 16 yr old(hasnt had a boyfriend yet and isnt interested) and is planning for uni which is still two yrs away , but getting too close for me lol *Brock the grinding sand of life, he is 15 hes an awesome kid that will never pass by someone without offering a helping hand .. and a wicked sense of humor they all have great sense of humour and sometimes drive me mental but ... I know I have to let them go and be whatever they choose to be and it was with that thought I wrote this one ... Thanks for you comment sorry to ramble on about the kids , but thats our perogative isnt it :) ... LOL my boys are all tall Anna I am 6ft and my ex is 6'4 but you know whats funny my daughter is short like the rest of the women in my family lol my nana my dads Mum was only 4'10 so we have the tall and the short of it in our family :) thank you for sharing Much Love and hugz jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

sweetspirit

16 years 10 months ago

So Pretty..

I love this too much..it read so easy that I read like 3 times before I knew it.. My favorite line is.. The smallest light of softest doves a floating golden sand of love that is just too pretty.. Jen

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

~Sweet~

This one was easy to write to I didnt have to do much of an edit, I think sometimes when its something your passionate about or love ?(and I know you know what I am saying lol your lovely poem?) I find for me it just comes from wherever it is they come from ? I dont think , I just write and look and there is a poem , and sometimes I have to work my ass off LOL but there lays the fun for me in writing ,seeing if serendipity comes to play or she makes me work for it he he ... big smile love and hugz Jayne x x that stanza you picked out is my favourite as well Jen :) And I dont meen favourite CHILD if any of my kids read this ... my kids are too smart for their own good lol "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

greeneyes

16 years 10 months ago

Me again

Once again I am compelled to comment.This poem is so visually stunning it takes my breath away. You are a true poet in every since of the word.

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Green Eyes

This ones about my children and they are the apples of my eye , I am so awed by your comment thank you so much but i dont call myself a poet lol , I am a scribbler I never expect to change the world just place a piece of my thoughts into the stream and whoever likes them well enough to comment well that's enough for me ... (hug) thank you love Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

press

16 years 10 months ago

JC this is Press

Jayne this poem, could have left me speechless [ No Jazz needed]. I am a big softy , when it comes to are children. I have one son that I have raised most of his life [ Yes I was Mr. Mom ]. So when I read it , I thought about the ways my son has grown into . This poem could have been perfect . If you would have gave a more personal characteristic to each grain of sand. [ like? This is MY first grain of sand, the first one of the four . These our my sons , all of them sublime with more than love . They are all difference , each grain of four . The first one is ?????. The second one is ?????????. The third one is ??????? JC you know I don't go into to detail ? Like this, specially when your picture is back [Big smile]. But I really love this poem . So think about what I wrote. Void of judgment, made from hope. LOV2U PRESS

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Press ...

Writing this wasn't meant to describe their characteristics but their spirit and I put their spiirit into each grain of sand ... trent (wild grain) Jacob (courser grain) Bethany (my golden grain) Brock (my grinding grain) ... Sorry I didnt leave you speachless but for me this wasn't about describing their every little nuance but just describing the spirit with which they face life ... and I know you dont go into detail often Press and I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment I am writing separate poems about the kids so that they can shine on their own as individuals and their charateristics will definatly shine in those lol ;)..... love Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

greeneyes

16 years 10 months ago

janyne,

Beautiful way to honor your children i have five and to see them grow is both beautiful and sad.I just saw my first born turn seventeen he is almost a man!makes me want to cry.

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Green Eyes ...

It gets harder as they fly from home, but I think for them to experience life and to get somewhere I have to let them go, and its one of the hardest things I have ever had to do I am such a sooky la la with my kids lol ... But, they are leaving, the oldest is going the next is half way gone and its not long till the last two will be at university sooooo I am nostalgic but these help me to let them go to travel their own course ... with my love of course ... Love Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

press

16 years 10 months ago

JC

But you made me speak. And I am not balance enough to see through my own eyes sorry JC. PRESS

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Press

Your opinions and views are always valued on my page and I totally understood were you what you meant but I wrote this one with their spirit for life in mind and then applied to one form ... as you so eloquently said to consider it and I actually did think to put characteristics in this one but thought then the spirit of the poem would not have been the same and please don't be sorry , nothing to be sorry for my friend , (smile) love Jayne x x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Sourav

16 years 10 months ago

Stunning!

This is a lovely write! Surely a very interesting title. The flow and the rhyme scheme both are very good. The whole structure of the poem is fantastic. The last stanza is stunning! Awesome!

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Sourav

SO glad you liked it , that title !! lol I can tell you it took me a few days to come up with it ... I am not good at naming them ... but this one was about my kids so I wanted a title that I would stick with once it was posted, thank you for the read and comment I am humble you think its good ... Love Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Geezer

16 years 10 months ago

Drifting Sands...

So sweet and poignant. Yes, I know how hard it is to see your children going off into the world, away from your protection. You always wonder if there were something more that you could have done to prepare them for it. I loved the anology of the kids being drifting grains of sand. You never know where life will take them. We know this from our own lives. I know that I never figured on being where I am at today. I know that you have given them the best that you could in life lessons and guidance. So don't worry, they will be alright. I too am surrounded by all my children of great height. My three boys are all well over six feet, my wife's boys are all waaaay better than six foot, and I feel like shrimp at around five-nine and a half, [I used to be five eleven but age shrinks us you know.] My favorite line is: "The wildest piece is running free, not minding puddles, this tempest of three". It reminds me of my youngest, Spencer. Gee whiz, I certainly did go on, didn't I? L & Hugz, Gee.

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Gee

I am glad you found some lines to relate to its meant to be a poem that could apply to anything but in this instance it was my kids , they are a joy to me and I feel sad seeing them go , but we have to let them go dont we ? ... Time to have a life for myself again when they have grown up but I know there wont be a day that I wont miss them after they all leave ... thanks for reading and your allowed to go on Gee I sometimes do lol .... Much love and hugz Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Jayne

A very nice title. When I learned it was about your children it made even more sense to me. I hope that you have read it to each one of them, I'm sure they all will love it. My favorite lines are the same as sweet spirit's. Beautiful lines. Love, Cat

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dearest Cat ...

You wouldnt believe some of the titles I came up with for this one , and then last night it hit me ... Big Smile ... I am always stoked when you like them ... and those lines that you and sweet picked out are my favourite as well ...Hope your feeling well hun much love and hugz Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Dearest Jayne

I just read your poem on gluttony and it was painful to me how much I related to it. The steroids I am on for the Inverse psoriasis makes me ravenously hungry all the time, so I want to eat all the time (but I don't usually give in to those feelings) The feelings and desire to eat are a real painful compulsion.I really hope that others don't suffer from this as well. I just wanted to let you know that you captured the feelings very well, my friend. Love, Cat

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dearest Cat

Hun I would never wish you pain and I'm so sorry it was hard for you to read ... cannot imagine what thats like for you, that must be so hard ... I remember when my son was on steroids for asthma and he just couldnt stop eating and you know when they are little they have no impulse control so it was a hard time ,so i sort of know what your saying though never experience myself,I am glad I captured the feelings hun but I am more worried it was painful for you (((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))) much love Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Sweet Jayne

You have no idea the comfort it brings me that someone understands how I feel. (((Jayne))) I feel sorry for your son having to go through that. I hope it was brief. love, Cat

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

(((((((((hug)))))))))

Huni if i can bring you comfort after all you have done for me ? best news Ive had in a while ... Brock is fine nowdays hes healthy as a horse and thankfully grew out of his asthma , though his asthma went away when me and my ex broke up so yeah read what you will into that we all thought it was bizarre ... much love Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Kailashana

16 years 10 months ago

Jayne, though I’d add an

Jayne, though I'd add an addendum... the greatest day of my life as a mother was when I realized they were already fine human beings and if I died that day, they would continue to grow. They would grieve but I had given them wings... Tamara was 20, Alex was 12. We were all going through a very difficult time in our lives...Now, 20 years later (I have since forgiven her for not going to Woodstock--8/19) we are still growing and I am still here. We are fortunate aren't we Jayne...? Our Living art... poetry...children....(and whatever art our hearts, our love creates).. ~A "If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is wound up in mine, then let us work together." Aboriginal Activist Group, Queensland, 1970's

Kailashana

16 years 10 months ago

Jayne, thought I’d add an

Jayne, thought I'd add an addendum... the greatest day of my life as a mother was when I realized they were already fine human beings and if I died that day, they would continue to grow. They would grieve but I had given them wings... Tamara was 20, Alex was 12. We were all going through a very difficult time in our lives...Now, 20 years later (I have since forgiven her for not going to Woodstock--8/19) we are still growing and I am still here. We are fortunate aren't we Jayne...? Our Living art... poetry...children....(and whatever art our hearts, our love creates).. ~A "If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is wound up in mine, then let us work together." Aboriginal Activist Group, Queensland, 1970's

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Anna

Mine are far from grown up ... but I see them in the world and they and fine young men and lil lady , and she is a little lady nothing like I was , so i dont know where she gets it from lol ... and I think all parents hope for that day they know that no matter what their kids will be OK .... I do look forward to that day cause then i can have a little rest , its been a hard job bringing my rugrats up lol but its been the best ride of my life , I have had more joy from them than maybe I deserve , (I was a shit of a kid) My love comes from the Kids and my partner, for without them I wouldnt be who I am they helped me become me again love Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

greeneyes

16 years 10 months ago

wow

Of course this belongs in the spotlight! No surprise there!

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

lol ... Green Eyes thanks for the heads up

I didn't even realize it was in spotlight till your message ... Love Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

leonard daranjo

16 years 10 months ago

WHAT A WONDERFUL TRIBUTE TO YOUR KIDS

Jayne, I absolutely enjoyed this pice. So well written, such a beautiful flow. Leonard

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Awwwww Leonard thank you ... Big Smile

Its funny i find so much in your poetry to relate to that when you like something of mine I am usually pretty chuffed lol and even more so with the reaction to this one , I really didnt expect the reaction this one received but am really happy that YOU like it ... much love and hugz Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

lyz

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Seren

From a mothers heart,lovely. Lyz.x

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Lyz ....

Coming from another mother thats a beautiful compliment, thank you ... much love and hugz Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...