Walk Like A Ghost

‘Twould be dead on divine to be a ghost,
Fairy phantom moving pallid and wan.
Tread light-hearted as pure air—never lost:
Invisible, indivisible man.
Walk the other side of sad for a while,
Like there’s no hard ground, no need for prayer.
While the world spins by, the ghost can but smile—
Wandering ankle-deep in moonbeams fair.
Step outside the fray dressed in white linen;
Liberated from hurt, trade shirt for wing.
No clay feet waiting to be forgiven,
Shape-shifters fly to hear the angels sing.
And it will take only half the time to walk
Down to Australia dancing through rock.

— deelilah, Aug 07, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwest USA, USA

Favorite Poets: E.E. Cummings, Robert W. Service, Emily Dickenson

Critiques

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Deelilah,

again, your title lured me in. Made me think of "Walk like an Egyptian" and "Happy Phantom";) This is a lighthearted, happy piece, and I feel that your chosen form adds to this feeling. You have taken some liberties with the prescriptive rhyme scheme, e.g. substituted assonance for rhyme, but I liked that, it made it a smooth read. One line stood out for me as possibly needing to be reworked: Wandering ankle-deep in moonbeams there. Otherwise, a great read! Yours, ~Nina

deelilah

16 years 9 months ago

Nina

I apologize for taking so long to get back on this. I appreciate your review so much. Could you tell me what about that line bothers you? I can't help liking it. It kind of reflects how it feels when I'm driving the big truck on a full moon night in places like Wyoming or Montana where there is no competition from city lights. Again, thanks. Deelilah

Ink Dragon

16 years 8 months ago

Dee,

now it's my turn to apologize :) What bugged me about the line was that it didn't seem quite as smooth as the rest of the poem, I suppose that it's got something to do with the "there" as the final word and the beginning in a gerund, which feels slightly off flow to me. The image of wandering in moonbeams is an intriguingly beautiful one, no doubt. How to fix it? I'd suggest something like "(one syllable word) wander ankle-deep in moonbeams (one syllable word)". I'll be looking forward to possible edits of this piece! (It read just as well the second time around.) Yours, ~Nina

deelilah

16 years 8 months ago

revision

OK Nina---I changed there to fair. Do you think it works better? I Appreciate your input. I have started to remove my poems to members only now too, starting with this one. Thanks for your help. Deelilah

orgami

16 years 9 months ago

So interesting what strikes us potent

I remember walking all the time restless before medication before stability driving just for the need to be moving the feilds or lowlands full of that mist you describe and lit with the moons light surreal beyond belief or watching it moving from one feild to another lower feild near dusk thick and solid like a river in slow motion like a glacier oozing ever so winding and walking past these glades they looked like a winter scene I can so relate to the imagery and that is the line I love so much here plus its like something I would write I love the abstract form of language its like trying to figure out the urban graffitti poetry is the rosetta stone

deelilah

16 years 9 months ago

Yes, Orgami

You got the picture. I love how much care you take in your comments, always so close to a poem in themselves. I think I'll borrow some of your imagery, here, to make another poem---like this: 'or watching it moving from one feild to another lower feild near dusk thick and solid like a river in slow motion like a glacier oozing ever so winding' Deelilah PS I always like your pictures, but I especially liked the one just before this one---and now it's gone.