Seren

Aug 07, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Cathedral to Dream

As in sheets, sheared time is laid
forever dream-weaving in sweet sage
lasting breaths to aching pleas
   sleeves of soul sway in the breeze
   Falling leaves are grazing cheek
caressing gentle as softly sleeps
Lillie’s teasing arising to greet
milking petals beneath my feet

Kisses brush my mouth to seep
eternal passion from nights weep
supplicating to familiar eyes
   saying adieu before the sigh
   Magical life is drifting behind
unknown ages splendor-ed in kind
closing windows,and dropping the drapes
eternity comes as my loom is shaped

Fantasy remade into the real
unicorns prancing in the fields
faeries are skipping and jumping rope
   every turn a boon,a fulfillment of hope
   Wishes aplenty are winking from trees
A man on the moon is in love with the sea
And resting at peace in yonder light
a future is dreaming,what we’ll never sight

In Cathedrals these magical beings advise
  and peace is no dream,its breathing through life

— Seren, Aug 07, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

bjp

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Jayne-Chloe,

You may wish to look at 'Surrealist Women: An International Anthology' by Penelope Rosemont, for this poem is in this vein and is wonderful. "Kisses brush my mouth to seep": how great is that? Answer: Great with a capital "G". "[S]aying adieu before the sigh", is both heart rendering, unique and potent. The last line is slightly kurtz or foreshortened. Perhaps that is what you are aiming for. Oops, now I see it is a formatting adjustment. Took awhile to find "realized". Seeing it now, I think that is a bit awkward. I suggest: found, is plump, caught, or, perhaps, quietly alive. There are, of course, many other alternatives. I read it to Olya over morning coffee. She says, correctly, it is sad and good. I think you are amidst your poetry. We think of you often. Brian

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Brian

This one is very close to my heart, In a one way it epitomizes me , Anna called me our lady of the ethereal blues and shes probably write, being in the space I am, I find it hard lately to write positive things , and sadness drips from my pen to stem the flow from other regions .... I started this one while ago and had problems in the middle of the second stanza and then quillsvein1 said something to me yesterday and made me realise where I needed to go , it had been left to finish with the right ending ... This is my favourite poem its the one I had thought would be unfinished and thanks to GB I found the right path again and untitled became finished ... Of all my poems this one played right from my heart The last word is the only thing I have debated on LOL again you go right to the one thing I had problems with , but when I edit I shall sit and find the perfect word for the end ... thank you for the read and the Stars guys Have just had a look for Surrealist women and found a copy I can read online so I think you just found me something to do this afternoon .... I am so glad Olya liked it I am sitting here with a big smile, when you guys like something I know I am getting close .. Much love and hugz Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Dearest Jayne

This poem is magically enchanting... every word sings! So many great lines here, so hard to choose favorites. But the ending is superb. Love, Cat

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dearest Cat

I have worked so hard on this one I wanted it right before I submitted it ... and its as close to being right as I am going to get it , I was unsure of the last word as Brian hit straight on that I am going to muddle over it and see what I cant come up with LOL ... ((((((((((((hug)))))))))))) I am so happy you liked this one for its with your help and a few other people that I have really found a stride , thank you hun your my constant friend I would be lost without your picture next to mine I find comfort seeing you here ... Much love and Hugz Jayne P.S I am so stoked your in spotlight my friend !!!!!!!!! "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Diatom Shells

16 years 10 months ago

wow

wow as the author of this poem, you do so much for the reader. I love the images the fantasy of it. Its vivd language I think your ending is divine! it is so good I love the last stanza and especially the words "wishes aplenty are winking from trees a man on the moon is in love with the sea" how beautiful this sounds thank your for the post -diatom shells

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Thank you Diatom Shells

Glad you found those lines to resonate in they are some of my favourite lines in this one ... Regards Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Silent Whisper…

16 years 10 months ago

love the way you can capture

love the way you can capture different styles of a fantasy with in your poems, it was a great read and has really made me sit back and take the time to actually think the poem over and over to try to enjoy the whole thing :)

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Awwww Bj and Jadey and Trent

Thank you so much guys for the read the comment and the stars ... and I am soooooooooooo glad you liked it , you guys no how long I worked on this one and its been a hard one to finish ... butttttttttttttt woooot I did it :D:D haha love you all seeya later if you'se get round to visiting BEFOREEEEEEEEEEEE Jade goes home would be GOOOD LOL .... Love you all HUGZ Jayne(Mum) Tell Trent to bring his dirty clothes home they dont wash themselves on the floor lmfao he he he I love ya Trent :D "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Silent Whisper…

16 years 10 months ago

funny mum thanks for

funny mum thanks for broadcasting to world i got dirty clothes that need to be washed cheers love you to mwah

Bosscombat

16 years 10 months ago

this rocks

Well worth all the work ! 5 stars 2 thumbs up yo <3

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Matty ...........

You know its all you guys that I write for , if you guys like it it makes all the effort worthwhile , cause when you do ?its enough for me .. big love and hugz Jayne x x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

PMSL ...

Trent if you didnt have dirty clothes I would worry and others would wonder why you are running round nekid lmfao !!!! ... Sorry couldnt help myself ... Love you huni see you when you get home much love and HUGZ and kiss Mum x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Geezer

16 years 10 months ago

Cathedral...

I was enthralled, as were many. I loved the line: [Sleeves of soul sway in the breeze.] Just one thing: Did you mean [cheek]? Not check? Great otherwise, Fantastic job! L & Hugz, Gee

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dearest Gee

Your eye is sharp and I missed that? I dont know how many times LOL the [check] of it lmao he he thank you dear chevalier ... Much love and hugz Jayne ... Oh and I am so glad you liked this one I worked on it on and off for months, I am just glad to see it finished I had begin to wonder if it was ever going be completed ... big smile ... "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

raskin

16 years 10 months ago

Alliteration

Jayne, I liked the alliteration and form used here. I'll enjoy reading it again. raskin

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Thanks Raskin Glad you

Thanks Raskin Glad you enjoyed it .. Jayne :) "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

U K Atiyodi

15 years 10 months ago

Serene

A plane of surrealism is a blissful experience. Eternal passion from night's weep...."Falling leaves are grazing cheek..." Almost all lines evoke a feeling beyond me to explain. Yet the poem touches somewhere and tickles the heart. In fact the repeated reading of the poem elevates the mind to an altogether different plane. Reality evades some pleasures of mind. So your surrealism is appealing to the mind. God bless

Seren

15 years 10 months ago

God Bless you U.K

thanks for the wonderful comment you make me very happy this is an old one I am working on glad you liked it so much ... I am chuffed :D love and big hugs JayCee x x x (Quote~~"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. "--Charles Baudelaire)

Geezer

15 years 10 months ago

Couldn't resist...

Rereading this one again. I have a hard to time finding anything different to say. I just love it! I don't know why, but for some reason it reminds me of "Alice in Wonderland". Maybe it is the excellent alliteration! I don't know. I enjoyed it just as much as I did the first time. Love and hugs, ~ Gee