Bonitaj

Aug 04, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

BONFIRE OF SORROWS

Ambush this anxiety
allay these futile fears,where is an anodyne to dry these tears? Anoint the appointment,gauge the very time,when did this arcane love cease to be mine? Adjudicate the meeting,appoint no accolades.The moment the loss comes Fate's favours fade... Seek solitude from sorrows,stoke fires with iceA moribund heart's impaled -
another love has died. BjR August 4, '09

— Bonitaj, Aug 04, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Tip of Southern Africa, ZAF

Favorite Poets: Too many to narrow down, but briefly :, AUDEN, T.S. ELIOT, DICKENSON, RILKE, THOREAU, RUMI ... the list is endless. Am inspired by many, especially those that live lives of "quiet desperation, and go to the grave with a song still in them" (THoreau)

Critiques

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Boni

It feels like an extremely messy divorce or separation to me. Most painful, in which there is little solace to be found. But a terribly good poem. Always, Cat

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

Thank you Caitlin!

Fortunately nothing literal for me - but yes! it speaks to the entire concept of Loss and how there is indeed 'little solace' to be found except perhaps Time.

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Boni,

this looks promising, I absolutely adore these lines: Anoint the appointment, gauge the very time, when did this arcane love cease to be mine? Now, to the rest of this piece: Ambush the anxiety to allay these fears,-> the "to" looks awkward, and I'd prefer "your fears" here, possibly an adjective in front of "fear"? where is the anodyne to dry these tears? (great) - Adjudicate the meeting, appoint no accolades. (wonderful pacing) The moment the loss came Fate’s favours fade…-> little time warp here, I think it would read better as "The moment the loss comes" Seek solitude from sorrows, stoke fires with ice (love the alliteration) A moribund heart’s impaled - yet another love has died. (superb ending) Looking forward to your revisions. Yours, ~Nina

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

Damn!

We're good! or rather you are! Ring those changes! including your photo! Wow! You go girl. Thanks for your enviable eye! Boni

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

And I forgot to add

that I love your title! Yours, ~Nina

weirdelf

16 years 10 months ago

nothing literal to you?

I find that difficult to believe. It seems to come from a deeply painful personal place (watch that alliteration, the Surgeon General has determined that it can be addictive, and contagious) Beautifully crafted. Perhaps a tad too crafted. Cheers, Jess "The political arena leaves one no alternative, one must either be a dunce or a rogue." Emma Goldman

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

Hello Jess!

I feel honoured to have you stop by! If I tell you it took less than an hour to pen this you may find that hard to believe - so I have to tell you there was minimal amount of crafting done. My capacity for sorrow is indeed vast as you have seen - considering I've written nothing else since joining this site 2months ago. This is another part of that continuum and yes I guess there is still a huge hole in my heart that will probably remain unmended for all time, despite all the outer trappings of success. As Oscar Wilde himself said: 'One's real life, is often that life that one does not lead'. Thanks for your comments! Bonita j

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Just WoW … speachless …

Just WoW ... speachless ... heartbreakingly beautiful Boni ... Love Jayne x x "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

Jayne!

Haven't heard from you in ages so your stopping by is an added plus! Interesting that the quotation you have up is something I have heard often but couldn't place who said it! Was she perhaps Australian? Thanks for your ongoing support! CHeers Boni

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Boni,

love the revisions! Yours, ~Nina

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

You and me both!

Thanks to you dear critic! Remember: "What wisdom can you find that's greater than kindness" J.J. Rousseau Tschuss Boni

themoonman

16 years 10 months ago

Boni...

You did a great job on this one! Fate's favors fade... that line slowed me down, just a little in the read, but once it sunk in I loved it... great delivery and use of spaces. Richard

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

Sweet deal!

Thanks for stopping by Richard! Look after your kind heart! Boni

Cloudthings

16 years 10 months ago

words have such power... & these are chosen & arranged well inde

Like the power in the rhythm here as well as your word choices... moribund, such a great chunky word (always reminds me of Peter Gabriel though). I just wondered if the last line might work if you dropped the R from lover. "Another love has died"... just a thought, I understand these things have specific sensations attached, words have such power... & these are chosen & arranged well indeed. Cheers Anni~ "Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves". Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

Thanks Anni!

How interesting that you should touch on something I had initially posted as LOVE and then changed to LOVER! I shall indeed revert to option a! Thanks for stopping by. Always feel honoured when someone of your elk stops by! Bonita j ps. Not sure of the connection with Peter Gabriel and this one? A song of his?

Cloudthings

16 years 10 months ago

"This is Moribund, the Burgermeister, I'm going to keep this mon

Yes, I read it later on Nina's comment (I like to comment before reading those of others mostly... I had a chuckle, I like it that way, & I do enjoy the driven flow of this work... Peter Gabriel wrote a song called Moribund the burgermeister... "Bunderschaft, you going daft? Better seal off the castle grounds "This is Moribund, the Burgermeister, I'm going to keep this monster down, Somebody sent the subversive element; going to chase it out of town." No-one will tell what all this is about But I will find out." He is such a king of evocative lyrics that make little sense in their language form... anyway, I can't hear "moribund" without PG sprouting brilliantly in my head. Cheers Anni~ "Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves". Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

Re: Peter Gabriel

Gee thanks for that Anni Like Gabriel's music from way back when - but can't say I'm familiar with this one! Learn something new each day indeed! Hope it brings back good memories for you now that it's resounding in your head! :) Cheers Boni

Cloudthings

16 years 10 months ago

"Excuse me... you're standing on my joie de vivre..." He is a wo

Absolutely! I love Peter Gabriel. I had to go put the CD on "Excuse me... you're standing on my joie de vivre..." He is a wonderful poet that man, complex & intricate writer, these are from the earlier CD he didn't give them names back then. He is well & truly worth reconnecting with though if you used to like him, his most recent works are brilliant. Cheers Anni~ "Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves". Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

weirdelf

16 years 10 months ago

Bonita, Anni, I love Peter Gabriel,

have the same association with the word moribund, and think "excuse me, you're standing on my joi de vie" is one of the best lyrics ever. Could not resist mentioning, Cheers, Jess "The political arena leaves one no alternative, one must either be a dunce or a rogue." Emma Goldman

Cloudthings

16 years 10 months ago

get to read your fab poem a few more times in a row! Still enjoy

Glad we have some common influences then Jess, PG is such a formidable influence on my early life, a share house full of obsessive Peter Gabriel fans in my late teens gave me an indelible connection to him forever. Bonita, apologies for talking Peter Gabriel here, but if it's any consolation it means I get to read your fab poem a few more times in a row! Still enjoying it. Cheers Anni~ "Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves". Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

bjp

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Bonita,

This is a hansom jawed poem. It has the kind of unusual juxtapositions which I find to be spicy and aromatic: "ambush this anxiety...adjudicate the meeting". I had to look up "anodyne", and you didn't help, both of which are to the good in my mind. "When did this arcane love cease to be mine?" is quite a wonderful line. As is, "fires stoked with ice". As is, "A moribund heart's impaled". I am very impressed with the degree you are pushing yourself. And this poem is the proof of such virtue. Very good work. Nina and Anni have made some good suggestions. To keep it simple, I agree that the "r" could be dropped from lover in the last line to good effect. Brian

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

THis is a first!

THank you Brian! This is the highest "rating" I've yet achieved from this you in this 'celestial' format! I must say - I have a proclivity for STARS -long may they live! Thank you for you valuable input as ever - "It is good to rub and polish your mind against that of others." -Michel de Montaigne, Best wishes Boni

doorman

16 years 10 months ago

This is good

I have no constructive critique for this,- only compliments. Thanks for sharing the poem. e.

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

Thank you

for opening the door on this one! (Corney I know - but hard to address you as Doorman!) But seriously, thanks for your kind comment and for stopping by! Bonita j

raskin

16 years 10 months ago

sad

You revised, it works better. I like this, sad loss. raskin

Michael Anthony

16 years 10 months ago

Just a caution...

Hi Boni! Tapping the beauty in the dark vein... While I agree with many of the great suggestions provided here, one should be careful about changing a poem to suit the tastes of others. Would hate to see the aesthetic of a piece get lost in the pursuit of perfection. Perhaps this is what Jess was alluding to with his "too crafted" comment? Being a big fan of the beauty of the sound of words, I really liked your use of the word anodyne - "where is an anodyne to dry these tears." This really worked for me! Sometimes reading your work aloud can help you get a feel for the right choice of words (or the wrong ones for that matter). Best Mike

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Hello, Michael,

may I just politely disagree with the opinion you express above: Sometimes we fall wildly in love with our own creations, thus failing to see their flaws. A second opinion can be of immense value. Yet, I agree with not changing a poem to suit the taste of others. The trick is to find out who is trying to stamp their preferences onto your poem, and who is trying to get "inside" your write and make careful and considerate suggestions where something doesn't "ring true". Yours, ~Nina

Michael Anthony

16 years 10 months ago

Hi Nina

Absolutely you may disagree, but we are more in agreement that you may think. Second opinions do have value, and I have benefited from them many times myself. However, as you pointed out so clearly, we have to be vigilant about the reasons we decide to make changes. I typically assume that the concerned citizens of the Neopoet community are looking to provide insightful, carefully considered comments and criticism for all contributors. This is one of the aspects I REALLY appreciate about this site. My opinion was tendered in that same spirit. Best Mike

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

thanks for stopping be Mike

and clarifying what to me is a non-sequitur. I agree with what you have said 100% but having said that, I do appreciate the painstaking corrections, particularly those made by Nina. I think a lot depends on the poet's passion and commitment to a piece, how much they will let it be morphed/altered. Thanks to Neopoet - I think most have our best interests at heart. Cheers Boni

Michael Anthony

16 years 10 months ago

Hi Boni

Transgression duly noted. Best Mike