Sweet Tears of Joy

I feel as though i've earnt the right to these wings.
I've done the work, I've fought the tears, and i've let go of my grief.
So tell me, why am i yet to fly?
I took the pluge right off that edge, to my dismay i lay broken.
I laughed at all the right moments, and cried in secret.
I went out on outings, and i pasted on my smile.
I've tried to live, i swear i did.
So why am i not gliding through eterninty with you?
I built my wall of lies, it never failed me.
No one ever knew i was fighting.
I joined all the clubs, i was social and happy.
To the outside world that is.
So why am i yet to fly?
I thought thats what you wanted.
Please explain why?
I wasn't scared when i jumped. I thought you'd catch me.
so why oh why dear lord am i shattered?
I know it was too soon, i know it was not my time.
But i was ready, i wanted my smiles to be real.
I've never shed tears of joy.
Are they salty or sweet?
is the sting taken away by the bliss?
If it is your wish to leave me here so be it.
The pills i refuse, i'd rather be miserable then numb.
So leave me dear lord, i've been left before.
My heart can be broken no more,
for the shards are no longer that at all.
they're dust.
I'll fight my own fight, and trust no one but myself.
The glue wont hold me anymore, and i no longer want to try.
for i jump to often. and my soul is weak.
one day i'll fly. and taste the sweet tears of joy.