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2Q
2 Quills
Jul 30, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

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— 2 Quills, Jul 30, 2009

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Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

S

sweetspirit

16 years 11 months ago

~Inspired~

Do I even need to post? ~giggles~ ~ ~My King~ always in awe of your amazing mind, the beauty of your heart and infinite depths of your magnificent soul.. I only began to live with the sweetness of your first kiss for it is that instant that you breathed life into my broken soul and showed me what it is to love and to be loved.. ~your queen~
2Q

2 Quills

16 years 11 months ago

I would never turn down a

I would never turn down a post from you My Queen. My life too, began the moment that you set my soul on fire and you know that. I am unbelievably blessed to be your guide of love as I can only hope to show you a fraction of what it is that you have shown me. Life is our greatest teacher of which we are forever students of and I couldn’t possibly think of anyone else that I would rather learn it with than you. Kisses, My Queen, Moi
2Q

2 Quills

16 years 11 months ago

Hello Cassie, a renewal of

Hello Cassie, a renewal of love would be correct in what I was going for in this piece. I had initially started the poem a few years ago and then tried to finish it about a year or so later. I fear that it may have fell a bit short of the original intended meaning as well as lost some of it’s over all feeling. It’s actually quite a bit shorter than it used to be. I do my best to stay open to any suggestions that people wish to offer me. I have read yours and upon consideration I believe that you have made some very accurate and valid points. I feel that this piece is still far from being finished as it somehow manages to continually evolve. I’m sure that I will ultimately re-work it again in the future and when that time comes I shall most likely apply some of your suggestion to it. This was my attempt at posting something that didn’t actually rhyme since 99% of my stuff does. I still see myself as a beginner poet and I simply wish to explore some new styles. Thank you for dropping in and sharing your thoughts here. Corey
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Hi Corey,

finally getting round to reading you. The underlying idea of this poem is definitely sound, but a little finetuning would be in order in my opinion. My suggestions: [take out] (altered) Timeless Echoes hearken unto me now Calling me […they call me nearer] Nearer to you (Now invisible hands crawl inside of me) Forever (digging) deeper (into) my shrouded soul Taking a hold [and] (T)ransforming it into tranquility Like a ship [that] sails [upon a] river(s) of [seemingly] endless bliss ~ My eyes (flutter) [to] open [up and…] I see I see that I want more […] need more More than (this) brief encounter with [this] rapture [Because] my soul is beginning to burn [Burn] with a fire from (an) [seemingly] endless source ~ My vision becomes (askewed) [by it] My heart is challenged to race [it] And my blood begins to boil ~ My body is blanketed in the fire And [then suddenly] I feel protected by it ~ And just like the Phoenix (I rise) [Raised] from my ancient slumber (and am once again free to fly) [Free] to roam how I see fit [Free] to feel the heat that has captured me And [has] given me a home (in your touch) Of course, those are merely suggestions, feel free to take what you like and dismiss what you don't like. Yours, ~Nina
2Q

2 Quills

16 years 11 months ago

Nina

I’ve taken some of yours and Cassie’s suggestions as well as tossed in a few new ones of my own and re-worked this piece. I feel that it makes a little more sense now for the un-illiterate lol. Though I am hopeful for a re-read as I would be grateful for any further thoughts and or suggestions. Thanks for stopping by.
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Corey,

this reads much better, though I am not sure that the change to "heart" as your final word was an improvement, "heart" being such a heavily overused word... I quite liked the image of a home in someone's touch... But all in all, very much improved! Yours, ~Nina P.S. Apostrophe issue with "sea's", should read "seas".
2Q

2 Quills

16 years 11 months ago

Sourav

I'm Glad that you enjoy it. I had some amazing help with this one. Feel free to drop in, whenever! Stay well, Corey
2Q

2 Quills

16 years 11 months ago

Cassie

lol Cassie, I know it isn't a proper word, I was pretty much mocking myself when I typed it. It's kind of like me telling you that I don't smoke, drink or cuss even though I just rememberd that I left my f'ing ciggarettes at the bar lastnight. However, I do also know that my grammar nazi friend just would not be doing her job if she didn't point that out to me. And I apreciate her for that. :) Thanks a ton for your help with it.

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