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Z
ziggy
Jul 28, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A place in time

Sit  on  a rock and gaze 
out on  the open sea gulls
rest on a breeze what is 
this but free 

Wave and rock collide at
this the great divide
Time and tide has been
and gone and what is left
we walk  here on .

Stroll down the beach your
foot prints  i will seek and 
when I've heard what is on
your mind our friendship
intertwines
With out stretched arms
you i will embrace at this
 our special place .
— ziggy, Jul 28, 2009

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Country/Region: IRL

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Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 10 months ago

really nice

I feel it often. Seek it. Like Cat said of "Twilight", wish there was more to it. I don't mean length I mean ... more than being shown a nice picture, some grab on content. Cheers, Jess
R

raskin

16 years 10 months ago

Moments

Contemplative scene, I like the end. The last stanza seems like it should be broken up. I like what you wrote, beautiful sentiments. raskin
Z

ziggy

16 years 10 months ago

A PLACE IN TIME

hi , cheers for reading that, i agree that last stanza should be broken up i just needed to hear it from some one else thanks again chat soon ,,,,,,,,,,
R

raskin

16 years 10 months ago

Better

Adding that space makes it richer to read. I like the imagery and how you lead to the sentiments, very good. raskin
Z

ziggy

16 years 10 months ago

a place in time

enda, patrick collins. hi there again i must thank you for the advise it does work , cheers for reading my poem i am really enjoying the feed back on this site as it should bring my work on a bit . , this one was about a special moment at a beach party . chat soon ziggyyyyyyyyyy,,,,,,,,
KS

Kenneth Sharp

16 years 10 months ago

I liked it. The pacing

I liked it. The pacing seemed to stammer a bit, perhaps due to the way the lines were broken up. I caught myself re-reading to ensure that I was following certain lines like I think you intended. Otherwise I liked, sentimental but not sappy.