Then Came Baby Blue has been selected for publication @ Triond.com

Then Came Baby Blue
Has been selected for publication @ Triond.com

http://authspot.com/poetry/then-came-baby-blue/

A thought by Sinbad the Sailor Man

— Sinbadthesailorman, Jul 28, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: U.S. A. Indiana, Valparaiso, USA

Favorite Poets: Robert Frost, Walt Whitman, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Carl Sandburg these I have read some And so Many More. I have no Favorite or any that I dislike. Whom I consider to be poets; of course there are many Dark and hateful souls, who would cry out and to I will lend an ear, but some. They just leave a awful taste in my heart that I can not bear to read twice. Let alone as many times I would do normally; as I must.

Critiques

ita_zee

16 years 10 months ago

I like the blood/water

I like the blood/water ideas... very nice. I also enjoy the spacing and dialogue.

Sinbadthesailorman

16 years 10 months ago

Thank You

This poem was orginally three pages long, I dont know if the pitcure is clear enough to the reader but, this is a hard one to condense but, here it is thanks again Donnie/Sinbad

Sinbadthesailorman

16 years 5 months ago

Ita _Zee I left out the last line of this poem only three words

*Silent and still* I thought it may prove to be too depressing to some, but I think it puts a light on it that is intended that one may not have seen, I thought you might want to see the last line. For at times I forget to complete my thoughts for whatever reasoning I tend to forget when I am rushed at the library. It then takes me some time to recollect my thoughts, my notes, and what not's. I am often depresed so I let things go to often I let them go, it is just easier for me when I am at home and today I have a wi-fi connection at home as I flip through my body of works on this site in in my note books which are scattered through out my flat I came across this one again and noticed the missing line. I thought it wasn't clear enough then but I didn't see why then. Donnie/Sinbad

seabhac

16 years 4 months ago

Hi Donnie

For you , shorter and more approachable. The last three lines are essential in this to bring everything full circle. I still feel some repetation that could be pared down further. This is an honest poem and some of your emotions expressed I would deny you if only I could But, because of who I am I could not Free Will is ingrained Inside of me to the very members of my soul This is so open and because it is such an important part of the poem I think a few changes would help it read better...after 'I could not' really needs a comma as it took three repeats of the line to get it in perspective. I have a problem with the word 'members' of my soul? Why choose that word in particuliar. I enjoyed this style of poem from you and glad you took it down from the 3 pages in the origional length. Best Wishes Seabhac

Sinbadthesailorman

16 years 4 months ago

Thank you for the read and the comma

I will keep "members" for myself, because to me the body,the spirit, and the soul are all parts of the whole. The repetation, which you are speaking of could ya help a poet out, I am not seeing where or which you are directing the pare down? Donnie/Sinbad Most of my poems /stories or writes are lenghty when I conger them up and much is left out from the orginal drafts as I am sure this is the case for most. But poems and writes have a way of developing themselfs some times; the quill has a mind of its own. Donnie