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The Recipe

If you can feel what I feel then I'll put my heart up for rental
Otherwise I'll keep letting my feelings go through a pencil
What I write, to me, is essential life to me is a stencil
Already etched out for me to use. My way of art is somewhat whimsical
And at times temperamental but never does it hender my mental
But influence it; every page written keeps proving it
Damn Jza', how do you do this shit?......
I simply engage the gift that God sent me with age
Mixed with plenty of rage, the times I was tempted to fade
With a hint of a grenade, then taste
Season it with hope, add a cup of wisdom with the love that's been done
What have you created? The best of me
And the notebook is the rest of me
The pencil is the heart of it all and as I live, it will never fall ......
— jzarmel, Jul 27, 2009

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Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

16 years 10 months ago

Hi Jza...

Welcome to the site... I do hope you will enjoy yourself here kick off your shoes and read... there is a very wide range of talent here and I'm sure, just from this write, that you have the writing bug... so it is something we all share. The first line in this, to me, the narrative seems off... If you can feel what I feel, then I'll put my heart up for rental If you could feel what I feel, then I'd put my heart up for rental there were a couple of more lines that seemed a little long, for the flow that I was catching from it... but, not bad... in fact, I liked the piece very much... enjoyed the read! Richard
J

jzarmel

16 years 10 months ago

Thank you for your concerns

What's going on Rich? First, I'd like to thank you for giving me your time. Honestly, I ain't think I would get any comments any time soon. I understand when you said that the narrative seems off and that some of the lines seem a bit long. That'll be something I'll start to work on, so expect the next poem to be even better. I also like that you enjoyed the piece very much. That's going to push me even harder. Again, I appreciate you and stay on the look out for me. Jza' -Be a force but let love be the source-