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barbsdad2003
Jul 25, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

clammy

==

clammy

humid air grabs me
by the throat, wants me dead; I
breathe in spite of it

==
— barbsdad2003, Jul 25, 2009

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Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Chuck

I'm not sure if this is a haiku or a senryu. Humid air is about nature, which haiku is about, but there is a person involved, which senryu is about people. But I like it! Always, Cat
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barbsdad2003

16 years 10 months ago

It's probably ...

a hybrid. You know, like the Prius. I take liberties, sometimes many, with my Haiku forms. Seems to work. At least some of the time. You might've noticed I don't identify it as Haiku or Senryu. Or Tanka. Tonka? An incomplete Waka? Katauta? Hokku? The mysterious mystery of it all doesn't keep me from sleeping nights. Thank you much. Chuck(les) PS: Seriously, I think it'd properly be called a senryu.
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Marie-I-Be

16 years 10 months ago

LMHO

Excellent humor. I can nearly envision the humidity monster reaching up to control a choke hold on you. I'm glad you are able to get the better of it!
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barbsdad2003

16 years 10 months ago

It took me ...

many, many years to get used to the humidity in this part of the country. In fact, so many years that I'm still not adjusted as much's I'd like. (I guess you could say I'm maladjusted.) Thanx, Chuck
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barbsdad2003

16 years 10 months ago

I'm not sure you realize ...

this adheres to Japanese form: Among other things/parameters, it must not rhyme; it's in one stanza of three lines; the first line's five syllables, the second seven, the third five. So it's within those walls---that discipline---that the message must be conveyed. Thanx Chuck
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

16 years 10 months ago

clammy

Chuck, I fell of my chair and hit the floor the dog is licking my face and now I can't breath~ You just keep cracking me up with your humor, LOVE IT~~ I think it's a "Gaspa" ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous
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Marie-I-Be

16 years 10 months ago

Yeah!

I'm so glad I wasn't the only one totally quacked up!
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barbsdad2003

16 years 10 months ago

So glad ...

you got the funny. Usually I wouldn't post just one stand-alone haiku/senryu, but thought this merited an unshared post. Thanx much, Chuckles PS: Fortunately, not like you, I don't have a dog to lick my face to further retard my labored breathing.