Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Kailashana
Kailashana
Jul 25, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

she comes hissing

she comes
hissing

slittered in,
raised her head
her forked tongue
broke the silence
rattled my reverie
shook my foundation
altered my reality
yes
she bit me
as serpents do
are called to do,

i lie in the darkness
coiled
like the unborn






 
— Kailashana, Jul 25, 2009
More from this author

Critiques

Kailashana

Kailashana

17 years ago

TY for reading Cat… I’m

TY for reading Cat... I'm always amazed how women often tend to be their own sex's worst enemy. I wonder why that is. There is no reasoning that *makes sense/just cause*, and any misunderstanding can be resolved with honest communication, not outright attack. Sad but true. After a period some time in the deep abyss of myself, I return strengthened, almost grateful for the painful exchange. ~A "You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." Ayn Rand
M

Marie-I-Be

17 years ago

those serpents

Anna, I have had to face more than a few such she-snakes in my life. Been bitten and, yes, altered, but more often than not I try to defend myself, even if only with carefully chosen words. I was expecting "slithered" and eyed the "slittered." Intentional? I can make a case for slittered to fit with the forked tongue. Just wondering about your thoughts on that.
Kailashana

Kailashana

17 years ago

Way Marie*, love that you

Way Marie*, love that you caught it. (I hadn't.) Had I wanted the effect, I suppose I would have written sssslithered. However, I have experienced my glaring errors of composition/spelling to be valuable at times, it adds to the dialogue processssss. lol. ~A * http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cbPTbLm8qk "You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." Ayn Rand
M

Marie-I-Be

17 years ago

like it

On occasion I make up words for fuller impact. And it's true that "errors" can prove to be valuable! In this case I actually like that you've left the word alone, Anna. It's coloring my image of the invading serpent's entry being more cutting, at once slicing and slithering into your space.
M

Marie-I-Be

17 years ago

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Cute song and video. (Giggle) Quite the finish! Danke. Gracias. Merci. Grazie. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Seren

Seren

17 years ago

Anna

... I loved your last lines, but then I always enjoy your writes you have a slithering hissing running through this poem and its potent .. :) Love Jayne x x
Kailashana

Kailashana

17 years ago

Thanksssssssssss Jayne…

Thanksssssssssss Jayne... btw you have David Bowie eyes... 'cept he has one brown, and one green....or so was the pop culture.... however, his eye is permanently dilated due to an injury and so looks brown. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Bowie Love, ~A "You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." Ayn Rand
Seren

Seren

17 years ago

LOL ...

I have a green eye and a Blue eye :) and I knew he had a brown one and a green one when your a freak like me you tend to notice the other freaks but i didnt realise his was from an injury .. Love Jayne
hugo la rosa

hugo la rosa

17 years ago

Kailashana

Your poem reminds me of the words of the psalmist who gives vent to frustration, all in a positive way, just like you did. I do the same sometimes, by using Poetry to assuage my fears. In the end, it all amounts to peace. Best Regards, Hugo.

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.

Join free Log in