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I Was Wrong, It Was 2...

Don't bother getting up,
I can walk myself out.
.I don't know where this came from,
But I'm sure what it's about.


For sometime in you, I'd noticed the change
Even when I couldn't put a finger on things
But I was too late, and by the time I had mouthed it,
You were gone...
And I couldn't do a damn thing about it.


I could try to beg, and lose my cool
I could pretend we're okay, but end up the fool
Maybe just lay it all on the table
Maybe swallow my pride
Maybe make more excuses for all the times that you lied.
Better yet...If it's really true that he
Comes even close to putting it down like me

I will gladly step aside.


It's always better to take than be taken
Than allow another to decide when our heart should start breaking
I'm not cocky in the least, but I'll give you 4
No...3 more years 'til a knock at my door...
— Taylor Delaware, Jul 24, 2009

Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

17 years ago

Taylor...

You have to know how many poets write poems about "she's gone". But I will tell you this is the best one I've read in a while! There was a line I thought could be better with a different word... it's always better to take than be taken... I thought if you changed "take" to "give" it would run along better with the thought of the poem... but, only a suggestion... loved the ending, and it made the title to be such a crisp addition to the poem... Please do jump in and offer your insights on the other poems generating... I think you have much to offer! Richard
TD

Taylor Delaware

17 years ago

RE: Taylor...

And again, Richard thank you so much! Youre going to think this is hilarious, but "give" was really the first word I'd used. I used take as in "take a preemptive measure to prevent being taken by someone else". And I look forward to offering insights, but everybody is so good already! Taylor
Grieta Lindeque

Grieta Lindeque

17 years ago

I liked this because I know

I liked this because I know the place you spoke of. I recognise the places and shadows. I, too, only saw in hindsight that the love of my life was no more then a shadow on the wall for many moons before he surprised me by walking out of the door. I like it when people are honest enough to include their own failures in the stories about their lives. I'm for truth above all. Good job!
TD

Taylor Delaware

17 years ago

I liked this because I know

Well Grieta, everybody likes to talk about how they've been wronged. It's human nature. The real challenge is putting your own faults out there too. Thank you so much for your comment, too!

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