Seren

Jul 23, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Prelude to Blood Kisses ...Drăculea Part 1

A pirate moon
barely shines
gentle winds
picking up
blowing

A Galleon
masted full
cresting to rest
docks in harbor
listing to wake

Shadows to stern move
A sea rocking her barren life
crows nest now home, its namesake
death bell rings on deck
no sailoring in this pull
this ships hull
enclaved with ghost whisperings
be mere silenced screams

Laying below sea soaked boards
shielding the world
lies Blood, Lust and Need …

Awoken to dream
nightmares into a world
unprepared for this ancient
unknown

He rises
greeting his midnight dawn

— Seren, Jul 23, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

More?

You got me with the very first sentence! The moon will always pull me in. This seems like the beginning of an excellent tale and I must tell you I want more of it... Thrilling and rich with ghostly imagery, this is my cup of tea! Always, Cat

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Cat

You are right this is a beginning that you inspired LOL ... I am still working on the second and third parts a lot larger than this one might take a day or two more for the next installment .. BIG Smiles I am so glad you liked this one ,moving away from rhyme again and into the unknown have been enjoying writing this one ... Much Love Jayne x x

Rett

16 years 10 months ago

Jayne

Very well done. I like the flow and rhythm on this one. The mysterious element comes through clearly and I expect to see more of this. Respectfully, Rett: "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy. " Winston Churchill

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Rett

Glad you got the mystery I wasnt sure if I had the right tone , and yes there will be more of this one not sure how much but there will be more ... Hug Thanks for the comment and the read much appreciated Love Jayne x x

docmaverick

16 years 10 months ago

Hauntingly beautiful....

...this was. Maybe just a little too vague as to who or why this "thing" rises, ah, but there lies the mystery, right ? This could quite possibly be a series...it's that good. Your words draw the reader in so that they MUST read...I guess, like the others...I wanted more. Pesky, needy readers !Lol ! All in all, a darn good write ! "Write On"! sincerely, #{:>{)}@==== docmaverick.

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Doc

Thank you so much for your comment this is a first of a small series lol So you will get more of these, I am nearly finished the second one and it will be ready in the next few days ... I left the beginning ambiguous so the next one could follow where my mind took it ...more for a better flow from one to the other ... Glad you enjoyed it ... Love Jayne x x

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Great line

He rises greeting his midnight dawn Love, Cat

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Thanks Cat

That line came from nowhere it was one of those lines you write but just comes out and I always think hard about last lines and that one I didnt have to ... not often that happens for me LOL .... Much love and hugz Jayne x x Nighters I am off to la la land hope your well my friend :)

bjp

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Jayne-Chloe,

I think you did quite an excellent job of this. You avoided stereotypes. It works. The last line is an exception. "[M]idnight dawn" keeps the words to a minimum but seems too, well, Dracula-ish. Perhaps, the moon's dawn or ebony dawn or nightmare's dawn or breathless dawn. There are others. You are using half punctuation - commas but not periods. The rhyme-less-ness really helps make the poem a contender. I am impressed. Congradulations, Brian

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Brian

I have loved Draculea (as he signed his name on some documents of his time lol) and after reading all the material you left on Cats poem and with her saying to write something along the same lines ... I was bored and looking for something to write to be honest so you both did me a good turn ... I know a little of the history of dracula and a little of the history Of Vlad tepes III but the wealth of knowledge that you opened to me ? I have been delving into its history for the last couple of days and still havent surfaced ... I really didnt realise how much there was on dracul, dracula ... I read somewhere that Bram stoker had Planned to call his Vampire Count Wampyr LOL it just doesnt have the same ring to it eh ? Thank you so much for the read and comment ... I am still learning this game so something that might strike me as different and interesting are usually the ones that people dont like ... I wasnt sure I had the right feel for this one or the second one ... Hope you are both well will catch up with you both in the next couple of days have been layed low for the last few days and I am finally starting to feel a bit better though my time was well used thanks to Cats suggestion and of course all that wonderful information to me ? that was like finding gold ... Much love Jayne x