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when you come tomorrow/a phonecall part 2.

When you come tomorrow,

 

Don’t be sad.

 

I do not long to see myself,

Reflected in your misted eyes.

 

I will not reflect you

In the mist of mine.

 

When you come tomorrow,

Leave all bullshit and drama

At my wrought iron gate

 

Bring your authentic self,

With the grey flecks in your beard

make deceit flee

with the rawness of you

 

When you come tomorrow,

Take me passionately or not at all

Don’t speak, if it kills the

sparking doorway to

heaven or hell

 

 

When you come tomorrow.

 


— aquarian phoenix, Jul 23, 2009

Critiques

yenti

yenti

17 years ago

Phoenix

This phone call seems to have a better line and the words are much clearer and well written, do I detect a lost time of being let down by many people and left to wander in a place that is dark from the laughter of ones you would love to be with. I noticed that you wanted to mix with like spirits, and drink red wine in some distant Cafe, These are hard to find, so I wish you luck as that is the only way to find them. You could form your own and see who joins you in your venture, I use to go to one in Bodmin Cornwall here and it was a lovely evening but have since journeyed on as we all do, I hope you find that place you are looking for and the company you wish for, Yours Ian.T
AP

aquarian phoenix

17 years ago

Greetings again, and thank

Greetings again, and thank you for your comments. I intensely dislike the line : no lying words from your mouth. It is far too direct and leaps out like an unpracticed dancer in a corps de ballet. It is irritating me every time I look at this writing. Oh the bliss! To write again. I stopped for seven years. The profile comment was a 2am rant; here in NZ we still have poetry readings in some obscure places but Im running out of time to attend. It was a mad 2am thought, no more no less and plenty more to come I am sure. Do I detect a hint of wistful understanding in the recognition of this youthful impetuousness I can not help but display, in my apparent search for certain company? I know perhaps as well as you, that to predestine picture perfect imaginings and pin all hopes upon them, is to pin oneself to endless melancholy. It is likely the image of another life long gone, haunting my future imaginings at 2am time and times ilk therein. the flutter of a dreamed dream, to warm one in the dusk of memory as opposed to providing the flame of future being. Is it beautiful in England?
yenti

yenti

17 years ago

Hi

Have put below a couple of lines with the ones you disliked, to see if you could like a different sound. Your words flow as those of old and from a past that the great bard was so apt to write. Also you seem to write at the night time which would indicate to me that you are being assisted from other places. We are spiritualists here and are in contact with all sorts of people that have left this earth plain, to return to what we call home, my writings are as I have said from someone or several someones where even I haven't the time to compose such works, in that I have always been able to just write at the drop of a hat anywhere and anytime the words will flow, it takes time to capture the ones that I write, it is such a shame that there are thousands of words that flow through that are lost. Keep up your flow of prose should I say, as they ar a light from the past, and a range of words that could be lost if you did not pen them.... And no lying words (Then make deceit flee) From your mouth. (With truthful words) Take care out there and I hope you find that place sooner than tomorrow, Yours Ian.T PS:- England is beautiful as is NZ a place I would love to see, there is a poem called "Home Thoughts From Abroad" that aptly says it all in a few words.... Oh, to be in England Now that April's there, And whoever wakes in England Sees, some morning, unaware, That the lowest boughs and the brushwood sheaf Round the elm-tree bole are in tiny leaf, While the chaffinch sings on the orchard bough In England--now!! And after April, when May follows, And the whitethroat builds, and all the swallows! Hark, where my blossomed pear-tree in the hedge Leans to the field and scatters on the clover Blossoms and dewdrops--at the bent spray's edge-- That's the wise thrush; he sings each song twice over, Lest you should think he never could recapture The first fine careless rapture! And though the fields look rough with hoary dew, All will be gay when noontide wakes anew The buttercups, the little children's dower --Far brighter than this gaudy melon-flower! Robert Browning
AP

aquarian phoenix

17 years ago

bring your authentic

bring your authentic self with grey flecks in your beard, make deceit flee, through the rawness of you. Ian T you are a practical muse and I thank you. On another note, I think the truth is, I rather enjoy my own company of late. New Zealand has a haunted landscape with places of incredible light. The mountains here are much bigger, the weather is more extreme. It is 31 degrees in summer and -6 in the Winter in parts of the south island. The cold is confrontational and invasive as opposed to clean cut and dry. But once, it was beautiful. good day to you.
Grieta Lindeque

Grieta Lindeque

17 years ago

Raw

Hi. I am just dropping a note. This poem touched me. I like the call to honesty in it. I am filled with a loning to live in the world it promises: one without pretentions and falshood. I am putting aside my girddle and washing the make-up from my face. When I read it again, I will be stripped from the masks and the deceit that have taken over our world. Thanks for giving me the change to be stripped of the muck.
AP

aquarian phoenix

17 years ago

Thank you for stopping

Thank you for stopping by...we have moments or opportunities for truth, small moments in which to create it. Kudos to my muse Ian T for helping me capture that, and in regards to your thanks, you are most welcome. I am touched that you were touched. Have a beautiful day/evening.

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