Bitter Flows

I really like this! It makes me think of a person who's dreaming, and suddenly it turns into a nighmare, before she wakes up to the harsh reality of things. I really like how everything in this poem seems so sof, and mellow up until the end of it, when everything suddenly snaps back into focus. Keep up the good work ;P

I like the word play and rawness which seeps out of this poem. Harps in accord [wonderful word play] singing as one brushing my face to smother my screams [raw raw raw - exquisite lines] seep in the madness of starry eyed themes[similarly raw - it leaves the listen mind agape and wordless] Rushed to reality erasing all dreams [still raw] wake to the bitterest flowing of streams[the streams are well left to imagination: tears, bodily fluids?] Very nicely done. Brian

I'd be bitter too if I had such nice reveries, and then awoke to find them all for nowt! Good array of emotion and imagery. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Sundown you better take care if I find you've been creepin' 'round my back stairs. Sometimes I think it's a sin when I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losing again" - Gordon Lightfoot

I too, like the word play here. Kelsey is right, starry-eyed is hypenated. The word [sheered] is spelled sheared. I am only too aware of the beautiful dream turned nightmare awake. I do hope that your awake dreams all have happy endings. You are a beautiful person, and deserve them. Your words often echo in my mind, after reading your poems, and I love the line: " Slide into love splenderous it beams." You have a great capacity for for writing lines like this, and they thrill me all the time. Thank you, L& Hugz,[real tight] Gee.

now full of depression waves eating my soul like rust the radiation of pure stars burning like a torch but the mad beauty of all I've seen like points to cut and paste the pattern flowing in graph dancer fingerprint beyond tired and yet I drive or am driven I never know so much more down that black hall I can feel the light This poem is well presented in its order and progression there is some use of very creative wording Gee qouted my favourite line I love these kind of poems something rich and something dark something that settles to the heart and mind when reading and lingers there long after the reading is done like a well crafted perfume ( I could only afford the hundred dollar kinds long ago for some of my attractions ) This poem is striking and gathers my interest greatly thus I go on about it Nice handling Seren a very good poem

You really are making the words and their rhythms work so well for you now. OK i do have some suggestions as always but there are only really three lines in the whole poem where i felt a slight stutter in the rhythm. My suggested alternatives are: "water-chime ripples glisten and play." the way you have it has six syllables in the last line whereas you are expecting five or four. "Slide into love's splendorous beams" this makes the two lines run more smoothly into one another. Love and hugs Keith