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Seren
Seren
Jul 19, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Deafened Screams

Taunt me to madness
haunting my dreams
sending loves sadness
as meeting eyes gleamed

Travel your path
I'm watching from here
I cant get closer
and its not just fear

The light you shine
from inside of truth
burns my body
down to its roots

Visions bright
scorching my mind
find the path
into reaches of time

Whirlwinds of lust
twirling my nights
bewitched to darkness
my sheerest of fights

Senses alerted
body stirred in life
melting of feelings
into minds strife

Poured into worlds
untamed and unseemly
dark is this soul
this evil blasphemes

Beloved to deafness
embracing my screams
drowning his captive
crushing my dreams
 


— Seren, Jul 19, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

More from this author

Critiques

Ravenshakti

Ravenshakti

16 years 10 months ago

Mesmerizing beauty...

Dearest Seren... Your words sparkle with a mesmerizing, darkly enchanting life! Isis... like you... is enthralling... Beautiful... and beautifully done! Bright Weavings with my love, Raven.
Seren

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Raven !!

I am so glad you liked this ... I have been writing a series of dark poems and they get increasingly dark as they go through this ones mild to some of the others LOL but I am still working on those ... Bright weavings to you my friend you have been writing and touching on the ether and I have enjoyed your writings loved the spider and the fly it was gorgeous ... Much love Jayne x x
B

bjp

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Jayne-Chloe,

I have been catching up on your more recent poems. I don't know if I will ever acclimatize to the rhyme. I don't really want to stir with that ladle. You have a comfort in rhyme which is well established. And it is wonderful that you use this method to write of lust concurrently with other challenges. Perhaps it is a comfort for you; I will attest that it is a comfort to see that poise from here. Brian
Seren

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Brian

Were all my rhymes good and people said they were good I would wonder lol ... but yes I find a comfort of sorts in these types of writes ... But saying that I am writing a new poem that doesnt rhyme LOL shock horror and having been writing so much rhyme lately found it hard this time to slip into freeform but its nearly done only a couple more days ... I am excited about this one its taken many hours of study and reading to get it to where it is right now LOL But as always I wont submit till its ready .. thank you for the read and I hope you enjoy all the new stuff I am working on .. I have stepped out of my comfort zone just hope I havent make a massive stuff up and stepped out to fall down LOL Much Love to you both Jayne x x
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Jayne,

you have found some very good images that illustrate the power of the described feelings here. Flames, whirlwinds, light... I liked the rhymes, but felt that your flow was a tad off in some lines, so I have dared to make some suggestions that hopefully are in line with what you are saying here. I've also picked up the odd apostrophe issue along the way and added an apostrophe here or there: Taunt me to madness(,) (haunt) my (every) dream sending love's sadness as meeting eyes (gleam) Travel your path(,) I('ll be) watching from here I can't get closer and it's not just fear The (blazing) light you shine from (truth's inside) burns my body down(, consumes its soft hide) Visions bright (flare up, scorch) my (dried up) mind find the path into (the) reaches of time Whirlwinds of lust (now twirl) my (blackest) nights bewitched to darkness(,) my sheerest of fights Senses alerted(,) body stirred (into) life (a) melting of feelings into mind's strife Poured into worlds untamed and unseemly dark is this soul (that) this evil blasphemes Beloved to deafness(, yet) embracing my screams drowning(,) his captive(, he's) crushing my dreams What do you think? Much love, ~Nina
Seren

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dearest Nina

This was meant to be the start of something and it doesnt work ... but I love a lot of your changes on this its awesome what you did with it hun thank you (hug) ... I will sit down and do a complete edit later tonight when my world goes quiet , its been an insanely mad day looking forward to some down time LOL and definatly going to be writing tonight ... I need to vent LOL ... Much love and big hugz Jayne x x P.S thank you for visiting this one and for the read and all the work you did lets hope I can do it justice hun thank you (hug) "We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. Lynn Hall" ...