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CN
Craig Norris
Jul 19, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

holding

The snow felt lighter through the trees
heavy in the clearing,
holding now the path beneath a blanket
fresh white upon the mountainside.

Sun long slid behind the peaks
as evening's chill descends its layers
coldest to the ground.

Looking to the edges I wander in
trusting that feet will lead me,
hold me to a trail unseen
beneath the squeak and crunch
so loud, each step an exclamation
filling in behind with muffled powder.

I trust the feeling,
closing upon the darkened border
hope flares beneath the trees,
I pick and hurry on, this foot trail
a ribbon shadowed line leading me
to golden warmth spilling from a window,
a knock an open door
the scent of cooking washes past,
and laughter lifts a heart returning.

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Country/Region: AUS

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Comments

A

Arrow

16 years 9 months ago

Tender, dreamy

and slightly erotic but then aren't all of yours? I really enjoyed the contrasts you've described (lines 1-2, 12-13) and all the sensual imagery. I've just highlighted some of the things I like most (and one thing I did not). I do think, since you've chosen to punctuate this, you do need to take a closer look at it. *as evening(')s chill descends its layers *beneath the squeak and crunch -- good onomatopoeia *I trust the feeling, closing upon the darkened border,-- ooohhh, good metaphor? analogy? not sure which term is right. *scented cooking softly washes me - I find this image slightly repellent, like the idea of taking a bath in gravy. Maybe it's just me. And extra points for writing about my favorite season.
C

Craig Norris

16 years 9 months ago

I always have trouble

with placing the apostrophe, thanks for your comments, I had to laugh at the gravy image, and have thought about it, believe you are right and have made an adjustment or two. Cheers. Craig
R

raskin

16 years 9 months ago

senses

I like the choice of words in this poem, great visuals, smell, sound all present here. Made it a whole experience. I enjoyed reading. raskin
Seren

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

This felt dark and light but

This felt dark and light but I loved it feel the bracing cold and the crunch under your boots walking through the shadows and light of the forest, with the coming home craig another lovely write from your pen .. Love Jayne x x
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 9 months ago

I love this poem.

I love this poem. Period. ~A "You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." Ayn Rand