Seren

Jul 18, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Baptism in Light

Morning has woke
to songs of the world,
of gasping night
no other sound heard

Movement is seen
in the corner of eye,
Kookaburra laughs
heart swells to sigh

Terrors of night
recede into the mists,
Fresh is the air
crispness this bliss

Moon tipped the sky
as night called,
glimpsed day beckoned
an orbit enthralls

Blankets of frost
sequin my world,
this is magic
and winter is pearled

Icicles hanging
from eves sparkle bright,
leftover spectacles
past beauty's night

Opening the drapes
in minds eye,
morning has come
Another day baptized

— Seren, Jul 18, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Rett

17 years ago

Beautiful Jayne

Thoroughly enjoyed it. one part seemed a bit off to me. Moon is lagging behind a night called(behind night called) glimpsed day beckoned(a glimpsed day beckoned) this orbit’s enthralled could be just me. Respectfully, Rett: "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy. " Winston Churchill

Seren

17 years ago

Thanks Rett

Thanks for the suggestions ... I was trying not to shorten it too much but will definatly have a look when I edit , having a confusing couple of days LOL cant seem to get my groove on , Just did a quick fix and missed those , will fix those couple of things when I edit next ... thank you for the comment I was debating putting this one in, the first line kept ringing like the old song, Morning has broken LOL ... And that wasnt my intention, I just loved the line Morning has woken ... Thanks so much Rett (hug) Love Jayne x x

orgami

17 years ago

I so do love your enthusiasm for Poetry

if you were a drummer i would be tapping my feet Like Snoopy at Schroders Paino (well he did play jazz the odd time!) the language and style are both bright and dark at moments Like going upriver round bends where giant trees breech the the sky each day each stretch a new revelation thank you

Seren

17 years ago

Steven you would love our house ....

We have a drum kit ,Squire 6 string bass guitar, B.C Rich beast bass guitar , Ashton semi acoustic bass, B.C.Rich Warlock six string electric and a Legend 6 string electric, monteray 6 string electric , and a six string semi acoustic cort guitar ok you get the idea and thats not all of the instruments LOL there is always music of some sort playing or someone strumming a guitar usually hubby hes a bass player and I sing .... he plays country/rock heavy metal and punk, bit of everything really ....he cant read music or tab , plays by ear, but he can play nearly anything he is one of those people gifted with perfect pitch ....but is stubborn has a music teacher in the house but refuses to learn go figure LOL I am so glad you like the light and dark of my scribbles,and that I can take you on a journey of page , makes me smile when people to like these ... Take care my friend Much Love Jayne x x

Geezer

17 years ago

Baptismal Light....

I like it! You do have that equal quality of light and dark in your pen, Hun. Only criticism would be to use [Beauty's] night, instead of [beauties']night. Hope you are feeling better as of late, I have passed the worst, I think. L & Hugz, Gee.

Seren

17 years ago

Gee

Thanks for the comment and the read I sort of wanted beauties' night but will think on that one .. I havent done a full edit on this one yet so thats not far away so will decide then ... thank you your insights are always helpful and usually needed LOL ... I am feeling a little better the last couple of days but I have more treatment coming up, haven't been round much today will go see what everyones been writing , take care Love & hugs Jayne x x

seabhac

17 years ago

Hi Jane loved the flow of

Hi Jane loved the flow of this until I came to "Moon is lagging behind night called glimpsed day beckoned this orbit’s enthralled" It stopped me in my flow and even rereading it several times I can't get it to fit. The following 4 verses are lovely and trip off the tongue and colour the minds eye with clear imagery. I am not skilled enough to offer a solution or suggestion but I will be interested to see how you solve this as it has happened a couple of times to me and I wasn't able to find an easy solution. I enjoy reading and sharing your work thanks Liz

Seren

17 years ago

Liz

Just fixed that stanza you mentioned had been working on the poem when I found your comment lol so i hope you like the new verse .. Love Jayne x x

seabhac

17 years ago

That works really well

That works really well Jayne, it flows beautifully and all the intent still there of the previous verse...well done , I have much to learn

Seren

17 years ago

Thanks Liz I was already

Thanks Liz I was already playing with that verse it had been a thorn in my side for a bit I am glad you liked the changes ... I am new at this only been writing a few months and anything I have learned is in part thanks to neopoet there are some wonderful poets here and they are always wonderful giving advice even when they stink LOL hug :) ... Jayne x

hugo la rosa

17 years ago

My comment

I like the concept of baptism, especially in regards to a new day. The light is always best when touching human ghosts and fears.

Seren

17 years ago

Thanks Hugo

I am not overly religious though have my own beliefs .... but I loved the idea of light baptising a new day glad you enjoyed it :) regards Jayne x x

orgami

17 years ago

glad you are in the spotlight my freind Seren

Bass KITTIE has a cool bass player and Korn had (gone on his own) I love the bass in Joy Divisions work with Ian coffee on gotta new television set (old new) and apartment to clean so I have to get going

Seren

17 years ago

Thank you Steven

Its great when people enjoy my poems , (hug) I am off to listen to dauntry's new album and try and get some sleep hope your day runs smooth Love Jayne x x

Geezer

17 years ago

One last suggestion....

One last suggestion, or question. Why did you change 'tenses' in the verse that gave you so much trouble? could be that..... How about this? "Moon tips the sky, as the night calls, glimpsed day beckons... as orbit enthralls." Changing tense in a poem has to be done at the right time. Which is what tense is all about. You have something really good here! Awesome... actually. Great job! L & Hugz, Gee.

Seren

17 years ago

Gee

This one is one I wanted right it was a beautiful morning and i wanted to try and put it to verse havent ever seen a morning like that ... thanks for the suggestions will edit probably one more time later on and will have another look at peoples suggestions and see how they fit with the feel i want for it ... Much love and hugs Jayne x x hope its warm there i am freezing my ass off here brrrrrr LOL

Seren

17 years ago