Eduardo Cruz

Jul 15, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Knee deep in.... (Acrostic)

Beginning at the beginning,
returning to the start

Undoubtedly I have not learned
the learning I did try,

Lamentations on the pass,
knowledge passed like scenery on a train,

Lengthen a memory
of things I had looked upon at length,

Surrendering to understanding
but understanding not,

Hindered by some thoughts
of thoughts I tried too have,

Ideas incorporated in a process,
in a place where there were no ideas,

Torrential was the downpour
like an overwhelming pouring of facts into many ideas.

(someday we'll get the voting system right, but I will not apply.)

— Eduardo Cruz, Jul 15, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: New York City, N.Y. Spanish Harlem, USA

Favorite Poets: P. Neruda, Jose de Diego, E. Dickenson, R. Frost, there are many more, but these had the greatest influence...

Critiques

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

this line

knowledge passed like scenery on a train, gave a feeling of riding on a train, on a lengthy journey, where one has the time to sort out their thoughts. Maybe it is just me, but I felt with this line: like a overwhelming pouring of facts and to many ideas!!! the tripple exclamation points were a bit of over-kill. I really liked the rest of the poem... so reflective. Always, Cat

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 10 months ago

Cat,

Please read what this really is, in the scheme of it all, Read the capital letter at the beginning of each stanza. that was all that I was trying to say of all the ideas that have come at me with no meaning or rhyme. thanks for reading, Eddie

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Okay

I'll give it another read. Always, Cat *Update I still like it, but I don't see how it is an Acrostic. I must be dense because I don't understand the true message you wanted to get across... I'm sorry.

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Oh Wow

I get it now! I really am dense, LOL. Always, Cat

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 10 months ago

Cat

your not dense, It just was not easy to get pass the bullshit. thanks, Eddie

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

And I was wondering

"kneedeep in what" when I saw your title, Eddie! Now I know. Cleverly done! But I wouldn't be me if I didn't have any suggestions... Beginning at the beginning, returning to the start Undoubtedly I have not learned the learning I did try, Lamentations on the pass, knowledge passed like scenery on a train, Lengthen a memory of things I had looked upon at length, Surrendering to understanding but understanding not, Hindered by some thoughts of thoughts I tried to have, Ideas incorporated in a process, in a place (where?) there were no ideas, Torrential was the (downpour) like (an) overwhelming pouring of facts (into) many ideas!!! Please pay special attention to your punctuation, Eddie, I've added the odd comma or two here. What do you think of my suggestions? Yours, ~Nina

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 10 months ago

Nina,

I'd expect nothing else from you. I copied your suggestions which I liked better. I wrote this in anger with myself, because I let myself be sucked into the 'Stars" system. In the final realization it was all bull. So this write is just bull to satisfy my own curiosity, on how bullshit would go over. that's just how it went over, as bullshit. thanks, Eddie "This experiment has be concluded, and our findings are that shit is shit"

Jonathan Moore

16 years 10 months ago

Suggestions

I like the idea of a hidden acrostic. To support this I would consider parenthesizing the lines that are not part of the acrostic message. This would also ease the repetition, reflection, and negation that interplays between the main and supporting lines. Also, last line - I'm with cat on the multiple exclamation points and the "to" should be "too," which is a common proofreading mistake we all miss at times. When I read this straight I get a lot of stumbles and uncertain direction. When I structure it as statements and asides, it flows much smoother for me. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

Tam the Chanter

16 years 10 months ago

acrostically yours

Hey, chief, what's happenin'? Just when I get my first, five star (??) acrostic off the launch pad, along comes the "no star" system and hidden acrostics. I don't know whether I'm a poet or an extra in the "Da Vinci Code". Anyway, been following the interchanges and you are right, best wishes and let me have it on "the homecoming" when you get a chance(stars not required). Kindest Regards Ian T

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 10 months ago

Ian,

This is a first for me for you to place a comment on my writing. thanks for stopping by, hope I get a chance to know you! thanks, Eddie "I control what I know and what I don't know, I wait on advantage to come!"

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 10 months ago

Jonathan,

This was not at all what it seem to be, but a jumbling of words that made sense and didn't. The whole idea was bullshit like what goes on in the "Star" system. Yes you are right if I had done it as statements in prose, It would have gone over better. It was bullshit I went for and bullshit came out. The mistakes in spelling and grammar, are run away fingers when your angry and writing as it comes, without proofreading it once just going straight to submit. thanks for the insight, Eddie

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 10 months ago

Kelsey,

I do not want anyone to give me stars on anything I write and I am not giving stars either all I would like is an honest critic as you have given. Read my blog 'No Vote" I kind of don't see the "but or the yet" in this, but I will reread with your suggestion. thanks, Eddie

Rett

16 years 10 months ago

Ah now Eddie

You're not coming around ta thinkin' like us Texans now are ya? Dang good write you old pirate, or maybe I should call you a Bull--er--fighter. yeah, um, Bullfighter. I love the Acrostic! Respectfully, Rett: "At twenty, if you are not a liberal, you have no heart. At thirty, if you are not a conservative, you have no brain." Winston Churchill

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 10 months ago

Rett,

thanks for the Dang good write Cap. this one was anger that turned into fun. thanks, Eddie "Do like the bull in the face of adversity charge, with confident power - By Jose De Diego"

hugo la rosa

16 years 10 months ago

Hi Eduardo!

Your poem is very good, but it could be improved by imagery. Thank you for sharing. I'm also learning, but I took the liberty of commenting. I hope you do the same on some of my poems. Saludos. Hugo

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 10 months ago

Hugo,

This poem is about the problem that is going on here at Neopoet If you read my blog you'll understand why I can fore go "Imagery". Blog: No Vote (I stand with Pugilist) Thanks for stopping by to read. I will peruse your writings, a pleasure to me you Hermano! Eduardo is to formal, Eddie will be fine. thanks, Eddie "Do like the bull in the face of adversity charge, with confident power" by Puerto Rico's own: Jose De Diego