RAMPANT DESIRES

you were right, it could use some work. Special attention should be paid to the flow here, I think if you went with a smooth flow for the most part, you could make the painful lines stand out even more... hope you get what I'm aiming at when you see my suggestions: (F)ervid fantasies (are) fog(ging) up my brain(,) bombarded with visions of seeing you again… Through a (stained ancient) looking glass I look at the clock for time to pass You’re out there with bravura, I’m in here with pain(,) who’s to say when it will (finally subside) again. Rampant desires (are) still (tugging and) tear(ing) at my heart losing you was unexpected - an unread novella where Naivity played her part. Negligence was the hero, with his stupendous act - (it) seemed like Fate and Destiny had (forged) their own pact(.) The psych. assessment (tells me that) I (am) a mess - Depressive psychosis. Nothing major I guess. Just a fragmented ego, like odd bits of (old) lego (used and discarded,) tossed in a bin of distress. Basket cases are many. Remissions? fewer than golden pennies… It’s always about “loss of belonging” a re-enactment of youthful longing there’s no need (for) diagnostic smoke screen(s)… I think this is the way I shall grow old telling a story that’s often been told of a sheep that (has) lost sight of (its) fold… Yours, ~Nina

This one does need some work I thought I would make some suggestions but then noticed nina had already been and helped will watch for the rewrites on this one take care my friend Love Jayne x x