RAMPANT DESIRES

SORRY - IN FOR REPAIRS! :)
fervid - burning; glowing; intensely hot.

— Bonitaj, Jul 14, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: Tip of Southern Africa, ZAF

Favorite Poets: Too many to narrow down, but briefly :, AUDEN, T.S. ELIOT, DICKENSON, RILKE, THOREAU, RUMI ... the list is endless. Am inspired by many, especially those that live lives of "quiet desperation, and go to the grave with a song still in them" (THoreau)

Critiques

Ink Dragon

17 years ago

Boni,

you were right, it could use some work. Special attention should be paid to the flow here, I think if you went with a smooth flow for the most part, you could make the painful lines stand out even more... hope you get what I'm aiming at when you see my suggestions: (F)ervid fantasies (are) fog(ging) up my brain(,) bombarded with visions of seeing you again… Through a (stained ancient) looking glass I look at the clock for time to pass You’re out there with bravura, I’m in here with pain(,) who’s to say when it will (finally subside) again. Rampant desires (are) still (tugging and) tear(ing) at my heart losing you was unexpected - an unread novella where Naivity played her part. Negligence was the hero, with his stupendous act - (it) seemed like Fate and Destiny had (forged) their own pact(.) The psych. assessment (tells me that) I (am) a mess - Depressive psychosis. Nothing major I guess. Just a fragmented ego, like odd bits of (old) lego (used and discarded,) tossed in a bin of distress. Basket cases are many. Remissions? fewer than golden pennies… It’s always about “loss of belonging” a re-enactment of youthful longing there’s no need (for) diagnostic smoke screen(s)… I think this is the way I shall grow old telling a story that’s often been told of a sheep that (has) lost sight of (its) fold… Yours, ~Nina

Bonitaj

17 years ago

re-write

Hi Nina! As you can see I have deleted the piece for "repairs" please won't you do the same - as I now have a copy of your version and I'll work on it! That way I can do a new "unveiling" at a later stage! ") THanks BOni

Ink Dragon

17 years ago

Boni,

I admire your courage, to post something that you knew needed work! It took me more than a year to post a piece I myself thought to be unfinished. Here's to courage and inspiration, dear poetess! Yours, ~Nina

Bonitaj

17 years ago

My dear Nina!

We now have a pact. If I hum it - will you play it!?? Thank you so much for your immensely valuable input - I must just sit still and re-write these pieces.! Best intentions and time do not always align with each other! Tschuss Boni

Seren

17 years ago

Boni

This one does need some work I thought I would make some suggestions but then noticed nina had already been and helped will watch for the rewrites on this one take care my friend Love Jayne x x

Bonitaj

17 years ago

Sometimes

I think it's more foolhardiness than courage. As I'm churning them out on a daily basis - it's a case of What the hell - JUST DO IT! You guys always come right in and bridle my wild horse - so it works! Now Please GO BACK to your very incisive comments an Edit/delete the message - as I cannot tamper with your comments - (i.e. open up to edit them! :) Tschuss & Danke~! BONI

Ink Dragon

17 years ago