A Falling star

your comment on your own poem. Most of us here at neopoet take our writings seriously and don't rate our own poems. We post our work for critical feedback from the community of poets, in order to get better at our craft. Thank you, Cat

but I don't feel competent to comment on the effectiveness or technical aspect of your poem because I don't understand it. Maybe it is just me, but I felt it was disjointed. Good luck to you. Always, Cat

Cat is correct about the rating...I suppose you were trying it out, seeing you are still new here. Now, the poem: A small flash is coming Only to be crushed Upon leaving the sky, he dies His pride lost above the clouds The flaming face winks through the race On the watery stage begins the fiesta The eye can see marriage with his grave End of the play, the actor has swooped Into the deep, deep sea I do hope I understood the poem correctly? Let me know if not, please. Here's the promised link to the forum: http://www.neopoet.com/forum/17510 and if you really, really want to learn more, you can look for a mentor here: http://www.neopoet.com/forum/10134 Just click on the links, and do let me know if I can do anything else to help. Yours, ~Nina

and I think I get the gist of what you are expressing. Listen to nina but also align your poems left, not centered. centered looks pretty but does not read well Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible

I love the *feel* of your poem Mona, and thus understand its content. Well done. And please take Nina &U Jess's suggestions about the mechanics of poetry to heart; you already have a poet's heart. I bid you welcome and thanks. ~A p.s. the ocean is all there is, in my experience. "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." ~ A Course In Miracles

HI THERE I WOULD SAY THE POEM WAS GOOD, YOU HAVE GOT TO GIVE IT MORE LIFE, THE MESSAGE WAS LOST ALONG THE LINE , YOU COULD BUILD IT AGAIN. CHUMFIN

this one is a little obscure. i would love to hear the story behind it. it is definitely a great first posting. keep them coming love and well wishes john

I agree with Chumfin; if you could sharpen your expression, this poem would get its message across much more clearly.... In my opinion, it's a kind of James Dean story of fate...

O h mona! this is so much better!See how the compact, left aligned formatting is more friendlyto your reader? I hope you get more comments from other people mow/ Cheers, Jess, Reprehensibly irrepressible, "the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind." [Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged]