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Weeping hope Springs

Waves of energy flow off your wings
seep into them, weeping hope springs
you cradle my head, smooth back my hair
bring me to peace, show me you care

Revealed in an atom of radiating joy
bathing in bliss, pain cannot enjoy
evermore near, nor evermore far
I wander this planet, awed and scarred

My Angel of mercy, rapture pure heart
brought us in closer, never to part
silky soft kisses that light up the dawn
make a heart joyful, never you mourn

Wiping off woe like a dirty child
simply get lost in your sweet smile
laughing with joys echoed in night
I’m feeling peace from your indigo light

Energized might pours into me
sets a soul flying, gracefully recedes
soaked into nothing, blazed in love 
your wings did carry grace from above

— Seren, Jul 14, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

More from this author

Critiques

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

You already know

how I feel about this one, and my feelings haven't changed. Just one thing: watch your comma spacing: bathing in bliss,pain cannot enjoy on second thought, is that comma a typo? Love, Cat
Seren

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Cat

LOL it was two typos and a mispelt word you brought my attention to them , if i have missed any others I am sure someone else will point them out am very tired and I am off to bed ... thank you Cat I knew you liked this one and thats what made me stream it ... (hug) much Love Jayne x x
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Jayne,

you are getting better and better! This piece has many wonderful images, and an almost breathless pace for the most part. However, I have to second Cat on the commas, there are also a few places where a comma might add to your piece: Waves of energy flow off your wings seep into them, weeping hope springs you cradle my head, smooth back my hair bring me to peace, show me you care Revealed in an atom of radiating joy bathing in bliss, pain cannot enjoy evermore near, nor evermore far I wander this planet, awed and scarred My angel of mercy, rapture pure heart brought us in closer, never to part silky soft kisses that light up the dawn make a heart joyful, never you mourn (took out the "s" here) Wiping off woe like a dirty child simply get lost in your sweet smile laughing with joys echoed in night I’m feeling peace from your indigo light Energized might pours into me sets a soul flying, gracefully recedes soaked into nothing, resurfaced in love (please reconsider "resurfaced" here for flow reasons) your wings did carry grace from above Yours, ~Nina
Seren

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Nina

Thank you so much for doing that your an angel, I am shocking at punctuation and am trying to improve and hopefully it will come soon thanks for the read am glad you enjoyed this one it was a lullabye I wrote for my daughter when she was born she was just the most beautiful baby , but I am mum and biased lol was only a couple of verses I thought to make it into a poem ...thanks for the read and the help ... i was going to bed and noticed your comment thought to fix it now or i wouldnt be able to sleep (hug) Love Jayne x
greeneyes

greeneyes

16 years 10 months ago

wow this poem is

wow this poem is really amazing. It is so beautifully written, but all your stuff is.
greeneyes

greeneyes

16 years 10 months ago

just my opinion

It bothers me when people rewrite poems that belong to someone else. Poetry is a person's indiviual art and there is no exact science to it. There is no rhyme (pardon the pun) or reason to how you write a poem, its not a term paper where you need to follow certain grammer rules to recieve a good grade.
Geezer

Geezer

16 years 10 months ago

This is a site .....

This is a site that does not frown on the rewriting of other people's poetry, providing you don't try to claim it as your own. We do this to each other all the time. It is expected. We do this to help each other make our poetry better. We have just had a big todo over the sort of thing that will result from everyone saying how great a poem was, but not trying to help them make it better. To paraphrase another in this last argument:" this is a poetry workshop and if you want only to recieve compliments on how good you are, you should go to another site." We understand this and are not bothered by attempts to help us. We do not take offense to this practice. It is your perogitive to change your poetry as you see fit due to comments that you recieve. [OR NOT!] I am not trying to be mean, but just trying to prevent another argument from ensuing. This is the reason for the critique boxes on the posting page. I am not afraid to post and say go ahead knock me on my back, in most cases. I also write poetry in collaboration with my grandson Jason and always mark the box that says do not critique harshly this is a subject dear to me. If you do not care to have someone show you what they are talking about, let them know in the comments at the end of your page and say so. I don't care about fixing it. I think it is fine the way it is! Your's respectfully, Geezer.
Seren

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

LMAO I just got what she meant and you obviously tripped to it straight away Gee ... Green eyes With Gees message I understand now what you meant ... Now I am new at this so if people offer advice I am going to take it and run I would had to think how many years of knowledge these people here have certainly more than I do I dont mind people making suggestions on my work to IMPROVE it now if they come in insulting me ? you will find a different story ... I will fly and I dont meen with wings ... Dont be offended at people trying to help that is all they are trying to do ... just Help ... once you submit something in your own name it then becomes yours no matter how much people can help rewriting and help IT stays your poem , I appreciate your concerns but I cant share them I am here to improve not get babied and told my poetry is wonderful when in reality its shit ... Take care have a good day Regards Jayne x x
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Geezer said it for me, Green Eyes,

and if you take a closer look at my comment above, you will find out that all I did was add a comma here or there, as Jayne has said before that punctuation is not exactly one of her fortes. As Gee says: We are here to learn and to help each other. I hope you feel more comfortable with my "rewrite" now. Yours, ~Nina
Seren

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Nina

I am sorry I didnt reply as i should have I didnt understand what she meant and then realised at yours and Gee's comments she was saying something about you lol (hug) I havent been well the last two days so excuse my ... thickness ? lol ... Much Love Jayne x x
Seren

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Hugz

I felt like a spastic I was clueless and didnt realise what she meant I have a little preoccupied and didnt realise ... Take care hopw your enjoying your holiday or are you back at work I find it hard to keep up lately with everyone .. Love Jayne x x
PB

Paul Butters.

16 years 10 months ago

I think what you (Geezer) advocate is summed up by two words:

"Constructive Criticism". Ideally praise, yes, but also "advice"... Recently I typed and posted a poem and someone pointed out an error. Good job. I'd copied from my own (spidery) handriting incorrectly when aiming at "perfect metre". A horrible mistake would have remained forever. So I changed it. Am Not much of a "detail" guy myself though so only expect quite subtle tips from me. All the best. Paul. (To "Geezer" above)!
Seren

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Sorry not sure what you meen

Green Eyes what are you saying ? Do you think I rewrote this or someone else LOL I am a little confused ... Jayne
PB

Paul Butters.

16 years 10 months ago

Every time I read this I see more. It is

packed with wonder. True poetry. However, I am more an "essence" than a "form" man. Who needs punctuation? I tend to overdo it any way. Just let it flow.....(the essence that is).
Seren

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Paul

You nearly made me cry at 'true poetry' ... I just want to write good poetry ... And to improve it and I can only thank all the people here at Neopoet who have helped me grow here ... Thank you for your comment I write how my heart feels at the time ... and this was a peaceful write for me .. loved finishing it off i started it 16 years ago when my daughter Bethany was born as a lullabye to get her to sleep I am a music teacher LOL so it was my artful way of getting her to sleep it worked so it must be good (hug) thank you so much for the read regards Jayne x x
PB

Paul Butters.

16 years 10 months ago

Who can compete with "music?" I have

a yen to be a musician but am baffled by all those notes. Cannot sing either (tone deaf). Poetry is my only chance. Be glad you can do Both (music and poetry). P XX
Seren

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Paul

I believe that every heart has its own voice ... we just have to listen sometimes ... voice doesnt have to be in song it can be in word as well ... well thats my belief anyway LOL ... Love Jayne x x