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An Out dated Love

You have crossed me as a breeze
at my forty five
Your crossing made me to forget
my age and the present
Your face and eyes played many plays
in my wavering heart
They pasted your face and thoughts
as a monument of this life
Your talk and walk pushed me
in to the pond of honey
Your name stimulates me
to write a number of poems in nights
you and your love is only sun
to my dark lake of my heart
Will you light my heart and life
to spend my days in light?

SAKTHEEE S RAVICHANDRAN
— SAKTHEEE2007, Jul 14, 2009

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Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Just a few suggestions

in this line: Your face and eyes played many plays changing either "played" or "plays" will help the flow of the piece and get rid of the repitition. I stumbeled over these lines: you and your love is only sun to my dark lake of my heart maybe, it could read: you and your love (are) the only sun to (the) dark lake of my heart Otherwise you have written a beautiful and thoughtful poem. Always, Cat
I

ita_zee

16 years 10 months ago

I really like this,

I really like this, especially 'pond of honey ' and 'dark lake'. I also like the title.