Seren

Jul 13, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Remembered Befores ... Rewrite

A stillness of stature
caused me to pause,
a face carved in rapture
A soul windows applause

A flood of feeling
courses through me,
sets my mind ticking
thoughts running free
A rush of film flickers
and flows from inside,
I catch what glistened
as locked hell resides
Opening my hand
I am spellbound in awe,
remembering the wonder
of forgotten befores
Glimmering in hand
a joy of life held,
memories of moments
I never could sell

— Seren, Jul 13, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Ravenshakti

16 years 11 months ago

Beautiful...

This is beautiful, Seren... Brings to my minds Eye, A Reverie of long-ago...Now... and When? I remain, enthralled... Raven

Bonitaj

16 years 11 months ago

Loved this verse especially!

Opening my hand I gasped with awe remembering the wonders of forgotten be-fores But then the whole poem is splendid once again. Lovely piece. THank you for your wafting inspiration! Boni

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Boni LOL

Oppps we did it again I was posting a reply to a comment before bed and there was yours LOL how are you my friend ? hope your well lol ... thank you for the comment I am so glad you enjoyed this one Cat inspired this a little shes a darlin woman and she reminded me of something lol ... and then I wrote this .. much love HUG Jayne x x

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Raven

I am so Happy you enjoy my poetry I love to write positive words and I got so much Joy from your comment thank you ... Love Jayne x x

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Sweet Jayne

This is an incredible write. My favorite lines are: A rushed flick of films flow from inside catch what glistened locked hells reside Awesome bit of recollections! I would love to hear this in the spoken word! Think about it, please? Always, Cat

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

LMAO

I am writing comments as quick as you guys are leaving them LOL I just laughed out loud and woke the house up opppppssss LOL !!!! thank you so much Cat you inspired this one a little , so I am really glad you liked it big Love Jayne x x P.S in the next day or two Ill try and do another spoken word poem with this one for you Cat LOL forgot to add that on the end of my comment LOL love ya Night

professor

16 years 11 months ago

Hi JayC

you know i cant critique much at the moment but my thoughts on possible changes to this one are below. I may have misunderstood the first verse but were you trying to convey the image of a face expressing rapturous joy and in so becoming the window of your soul? Loved the poem of course....but you know me, never satisfied if i dont make some suggestions etc. I think you used flow too often by the way and we both know you abandoned your chosen rhyme scheme so you could finish more easily...tutt, tutt lol. Love and hugs K A stillness of stature caused me to pause a face carved in rapture soul's windowed applause A floodtide of feeling courses through me sets my mind ticking thoughts running free A film rush that flickers and flows from inside both catching what glistened and where locked hells reside Opening my hand I gazed spellbound in awe remembering the land of forgotten before My palm closing grasps this joy in life's hold memories of moments that could never be sold

Pixee

16 years 11 months ago

You did it again my friend

You wrote another beautiful poem. You always do. This one seem to be uniquely you! I love the read. Keep up the awesome work! I'll read you around the chat. Take care of YOU my friend! Your Friend, Pixee

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Pixie LOL you frightened me

I was just leaving a comment for Keith and your message popped up when I submitted ... Thank you my friend I am glad your enjoying these ... I love writing then hope to see you real soon in chat ... look foreward to it .. Love and (hug) Jayne x x

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Keith !!

I am surprised hun really didnt expect you to do any critiquing at the moment but Thank you so much for having a look at this one ... I actually didnt consciously change this from rhyme to freeform lol it just flowed out lol so I am sorry wasnt till someone pointed it out last night tha it hit me that I had done that LOL ... but i quite like the mix and its all about exploring now seeing what I can experiment with ... you know I am squirreling these away for when I wont be able to write , and when the time comes I have months of work ahead of me lol .... gotta stay busy lol so that might explain to people why I am posting daily at the moment LOL there will be a time when I cant ... thank you (hug) good to see you my friend keep yourself well and I shall talk to you soon much Love Jayne x x x Sorry forgot to mention ... as always your changes make my scribbles into much better pieces I am going to take it and run , I know when my lucks in ;) Love J x x

professor

16 years 11 months ago

always expect the unexpected JayC lol

...by the way one simple change you need to make is in the title. "Befores" is plural not possessive so there should be no apostrophe. By the way adding punctuation comes extra lol....i punctuated a poem for Emarie because she asked but im not sure i want to be Mr Punctuation on the site!!!!!!!!??????????:::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;''''''''''''''............Have a good day with your inspirational muses. Love K

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

You have many Hats ...

And I am sure you dont want to be the punctuation Prince LOL ... But you know I always appreciate your reads and advice I am going to implement some changes with the poem with the next edit but I am tired this afternoon will tweak it tomorrow thank you my friend (hug) Love Jc x x x Oh and already fixed the title thank you I sat here for ages last night trying to work out if it needed one or not when I am tired I get cunfuzzled lol but you already knew that HUH ? LOL