Journey in Hand

Seeming
Eons ago,
I picked up my pen,
put it to paper
my journey began
smooth at first
the plains did appear,
as mountains neared,
suddenly,
I felt fear
my highways rose
brushing the stars,
close was my destiny
But fate chanced,
to a dream marred

Crawling uphill,
travel down dale,
pen did follow,
a life left to trail

Stripped of joy
still and bare
darkness stared
no one lives here

Shoots of life
start to appear
A reason found living
receding of fear
horizon is darkened
a shadow appears,
shaking my boots
raising all fears

A Face gifted to angels,
vision envied from hell
this soul reaches out,
castes healing spells

First grasping breath
pen in hand
I write of my life
Pens journey unplanned…

— Seren, Jul 12, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Dear Jayne

I really liked the poem full of enriching metaphors and imagery of a person making their way through life. However I stumbled over these lines: As deserts rolled in life dissolved, years dehydrated misery lived hell I think the real trouble lies with the last line.Now, my favorite lines are too numerous to mention! Love, Cat Update: Much better and I changed my rating to fit the poem.

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Cat ...

And again you went straight to the part that was giving me grief LOL ... I will have a look at in now and see what I cant do its driving me nuts ... ok off to put my thinking cap on lol (hug) glad you liked it its sort of a risk different poem for me this one ... I didnt know whether to put it on yet lol much Love Jayne x x Glad you liked the changed and I changed the last line as well ... I was stuck and then after I edited it it struck me and I changed it again LOL I am such a blonde sometimes LOL (big hugs) miles of smiles as Anna says :D

Geezer

16 years 11 months ago

Journey......

I loved your theme Jayne, but have some trouble understanding why you stopped rhyming in stanzas 4 and five then give half-hearted attempt at rhyming thereafter. Com'on, here is a little boost dear: Smooth at first the plains did appear, as mountains neared, I started to fear. The highways rose, brushing the stars. a destiny close, but a dream marred. Struggles up hill, haul ass down dale. pen did it's will, a life in it's trail. Hope it helps, Hun. Somtimes we just are so tired that we don't see the lines before our eyes. LOL

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Gee

Wasnt meant to rhyme all the way through , I had writen this in free style and then broke it up into stanza's I am starting to think maybe I shouldnt have , But its nearly 4am here I am very tired and have not had much sleep will have another look at it in the light of day and when I am a little rested thank you for the read and will see what I cant do to fix it .. night ...take care Love Jayne x x

Bonitaj

16 years 11 months ago

Jayne!

I love the way you take what life hands you and play with it like clay and make something beautiful out of it - yet again! Nice write - few technicalities here and there but boy! does the message come over loud and clear! In essence: "a reason found living, a grasping to feel" my favourite line! Kudos yet again! Love Boni

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Boni

I just write what I feel or sometimes I get ideas from comments this one was inspired by a lovely comment someone left for me .. So I cant take all the credit but the ideas flow and eddy round this place and It always makes me write whatever is in my heart this one isnt finished but I liked it enough last night to put it on,sort of wish I hadnt but it wont be the first time I have improved them after I've posted it lol ... Much Love and thank you for the read .. Much love Jayne x x

chappell

16 years 11 months ago

Journey in Hand

It's amazing how you tell how you can take a reader on a journey, just by using your pen. This to me is the essence of a poet. One able to tell a story or take a journey by the stroke of a pen and pad. Good job!

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Thanks glad you enjoyed it

Thanks glad you enjoyed it it was just a whim I wrote in responce to a comment I received ... Take care regards Jayne :)