Time Changes (a co-write)

Time is always an issue, that has never been controlled and as we look at it, it instantly become yesterday. the present and the pass seem all to melt into one. I like the idea, what you convey here. I real liked these two lines: "Presently, my world closes around me (which present I’m not sure)" as I said each present becomes yesterday right away. Great write. Eddie

I am glad that you are exercising. I read this first attributing authorship and then as a whole. I think co-written pieces allow nice juxtapositions which are hard to do on one's own without the dual experience. For example: time rushes through my fingers like sand there’s a lot of silicon there Good work, modeling and outcome. Brian

and a different sense of accomplishment from a shared project. I am toying with an extra line, to close it, something like I only know when it stops What do you think Jess? Cheers, Jess

and no doubt I'll wander in with more later, it's my nature. But the line: "as I face the void of time" is problematic for me. The repetition of the word time here doe not feel right. "Eternity" or other synonyms would be too much but then I thought, personification? Hmmm. I love me some good personification. With that in mind, what about: "as I face the void of Chronos" Ignore at your leisure and good effort by you both. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

I really like Jonathan's suggestion, and was tripping over the same line. Otherwise, great work you two! Always, Cat * edit: Updated rating

Little problem with that, I got me one. As I understand it, Chaos is first. The blind idiot god gibbering in a formlessness that cannot supply a discernible void. Subsequently, we get Chronos, who imposes an order on things. The Tick-Tock God, so to speak, whose very arrival defines 'subsequently,' 'order,' 'things,' 'time'---and 'void.' (Alternately, you could take 'Chaos' as the pre-metaphysical, and 'Chronos' as the ur-metaphysical, happily mixing the bones of dead languages in a tasty melange of neologistic self-indulgence, as I do.) I get the point of 'the void of Chronos,' but I think it twists 'Chronos' unreasonably. With a gun to my head, I would suggest that 'barrens of eternity' could stand in place of 'void of time'---but that plays merry hob with the pace of the piece, doesn't it? But, still, have you no heart? Won't somebody please think of the Titans? They have so few to defend them, lately. Perry

Brilliant, you write well together mom/chrys

way, how about- as I face Chronos' corridors and have changed my mind about the ending, prefer its current undefined open-ness. Cheers, Jess

major job! Both the write and the revisions. Awesome! Just to add my own pet nit pick: I'd like a comma before "or" in l.16. Otherwise, simply awesome. Love particularly Presently, my world closes around me (which present I’m not sure) here. Yours, ~Nina