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M
michael
Jul 11, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I Need You

I need you like a flower needs rain,

I need you like tracks need a train.

I need you like bees would need their queen,

I need you so much its obscene.

I need you like actors need a stage,

I need you like a book needs a page.

I need you like a dictionary needs a word,

I need you like a cage needs a bird.

I need you like a baby needs his mother,

I need you like there’s no other.

I need you like a car needs a wheel,

I need you because this is how I feel.

I need you not to go away,

I need you more day by day.

I need you like a hand needs a glove,

I need you like a man needs love.

 


— michael, Jul 11, 2009

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Tink

16 years 10 months ago

m -

i agree with kelsey, to a point. repeating "I need" over and over and over and over and over and over, does seem to get in the way. If you are intent on using the comparisons that you have, then i would suggest grouping them, saying "I need" in the first line, then leaving it out for the next three, and repeating that until you are finished. Your reader will start to 'skim' instead of read and then will most likely miss what you are saying. or they will just stop reading. The format is better. and i would like to see you take kelsey up on her challenge - find different comparisons that haven't been over-used. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink