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C
chappell
Jul 11, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

When I Saw Daddy Cry

It wasn’t very often
And hard to believe was true
The first time I saw Daddy cry
I didn’t know what to do

I’d always heared “Real Men don’t cry”
From the playground to the coffin
I was taught
Not to even sigh

“Stand tall, and bite your lip
You better not try
You hear me boy!
Don’t you even trip”

“Hold it in” and bury your emotions
Don’t open up at all
Be quick to get back up
Be strong, even when you fall

Never say “I Love You”
Not even to your son
I guess he never saw it coming,
He never ever thought
That it would be His gun I’d used
To get the LOVE I sought……

When I saw Daddy cry


— chappell, Jul 11, 2009

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

17 years ago

I’m a little confused

I'm a little confused here, with these two lines: That it would be His gun I’d used To get the LOVE I sought…… Does this mean that you shot your Dad? That's what I got out of it. I think that the rest of the poem is a good start. It would be nice if there were more of it. The title is good as is the subject matter. Keep writing. Always, Cat
C

chappell

17 years ago

When I Saw Daddy Cry

No, I didn't shoot my dad. This poem is the perspective of a teenage boy looking down from heaven, after committing suicide due to the lack of his Dad's love.He finally witnesses a compassionate side of his father,not seen during his life. The boy uses his father's gun to kill himself. That it would be His gun I’d used To get the LOVE I sought…… These above lines should read as follows: That it would be His gun I'd USE(typo) To get the LOVE I sought Thanks for your comments and I look forward to conversing with you in the future. Have a GREAT day!
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

17 years ago

Thanks

for the explanation, that makes alot more sense! Always, Cat
Seren

Seren

17 years ago

Chappell

Its night here and I am not tired so I have copied it down and will have a good look at it a little while , I am no expert but I will do the best I can and be as clear as I can with any suggestions I make, have a great day :) ... regards Jayne x x
themoonman

themoonman

17 years ago

Hi Chappell...

Welcome to the site... I see you are asking for input and I thought I could chime in... I see by your responses what you were trying to convey with this write, but I will say that I didn't see it without reading your responses to the others... You say this is a young man or teen after suicide, a reflecting of seeing his father cry for the first time... but your first line is... It wasn't very often... perhaps something like, That never happened before... or something even more animated, wow, what is that... You seemed to've been going for a rhyming pattern in most of the poem, but then changed in third stanza... second stanza, I would have ended with the line about the "real men don't cry" , and it would have flowed much stronger into the the next one, where Dad is talking. just a few suggestions... Richard

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