shades of interest (part 1)

Blank stare interest fading eye
lids shading to familiar sweet
contempt begone this repetition
from my sight to forgotten lone
remission what ever was my failing
i ask of you and in return repent

Descend on to the here and now to
just below my brow, return my sparkle
shades of interest in the here and now

Tomorrow would never be to late
now not to soon what thy may cast aside
others may run and hide but this i may
                       criticize

You now may know this not for me or all
                      humanity .

— ziggy, Jul 10, 2009

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Country/Region: IRL

Critiques

Arrow

16 years 10 months ago

I had trouble grasping this

due to punctuation and line breaks. I had to restructure it then re-read. Could you carve it out more? A possibility: Blank stare, interest fading, eye lids shading to familiar sweet contempt begone this repetition! . . . I see you marked "Do not critique mechanics" so maybe you are not interested in this. I need a little more demarcation, though. I feel a worthwhile poem is a little lost in here. Well, we'll see what others think.

yenti

16 years 9 months ago

Ziggy

Had I read part one first then part two I as Arrow would still find a chalange to the understanding of these two pieces, as I trawl through the lonely poems sometimes I miss the odd part one to a double such as this. I cannot grasp what the theme is mostly and as I said about part two there seems to be a circle that you are stuck on, this just needs a little clearer write as it may be a little to deep a thought to be realised by others, Yours Ian.T

ziggy

16 years 9 months ago

shades of interest part one

enda, patrick collins. hi again , shades of interest part one as the title may suggest is little or lack of interest in a situation anyone can find themselfs in through life , so the theme IS a desire for change "which i feel i will indicate the theme in future posting " and if you try and fail for change people can find themselfs in a rut maybe even showing contempt for a given situation next lines of part one deals with someone asking or pleading for change as the lines say " begone this repeatision from my sight to frogotton lone remission " next lines are asking what was my failing and repenting for it and the next lines are asking or willing change to desend direct to me now returning my sparkle, interest in the here and now then the last lines saying i can wait for change if it comes and saying this situation i find my self in is not who i really am as the lines say " you now may know this not for me or all humanity , this poem makes perfect sence to me and i am a little disapointed out of all that read it no seems to have got it i hope this helps thanks again for taking an interest , i find all of this very helpfull yours trully ziggy

Candlewitch

16 years 9 months ago

hi Edd

Sometimes just waiting for change isn't enough. Sometimes, you have to make things happen by stepping outside of the box and initiating the change with some action. Sometimes an inaction is as good as action, such as, if a certain person is used to you reacting to them in a certain way, and suddenly you change your tactics, that can break the cycle. I enjoyed the poem and it made me think. Always, Cat

ziggy

16 years 9 months ago

shades of interest part 1

enda, patrick collins. many thanks cat , its great to get such a rating for my own personal fav its not a eaSY one to grasp but i think that is what i like about it