Bonitaj

Jul 09, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

DARK SIDE OF THE MOON

"Absence in love is like water upon fire; a little quickens, but much extinguishes it." -Hanah More, writer (1745-1833)

DARK SIDE OF THE MOON

An appalling apathy has created this void
I am circling your Orbit
without saying a word
those with an astronomical looking-glass
may glimpse my presence as they see me pass
but for You who looks with the naked eye
the silent voice
that cannot whisper or cry
there'll be no glimmer on the radar screen
             my presence will be gone
                        my light no longer seen

Did my existence ever eclipse
       the indifference of Your Sun?
will my Moon of Melancholy
        ever be seen by anyone?
I am at the apogee of my Orbit
fartherest away from our dreams
You'll carry on without me
fulfilling your schemes.
I now live on the dark side of the moon
               You'll never see me cry
                            or hear me swoon.

BjR July 9 '09

Apogee:
*the highest or most distant point; climax./The point in an orbit most distant from the body being orbited

— Bonitaj, Jul 09, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Tip of Southern Africa, ZAF

Favorite Poets: Too many to narrow down, but briefly :, AUDEN, T.S. ELIOT, DICKENSON, RILKE, THOREAU, RUMI ... the list is endless. Am inspired by many, especially those that live lives of "quiet desperation, and go to the grave with a song still in them" (THoreau)

Critiques

Ashes4now

16 years 11 months ago

far far away

Pretty far out there, but I love it. I'm into the deep galaxy poems and such. Very interesting. Also I wrote a kinda far out there poem tonight. Will post it here later. Hope you can read mine. But it's not as good as yours. Sincerely, Ash D.M.

Bonitaj

16 years 11 months ago

Pretty far out!

Why thank you Ash! Let's just hope this one doesn't end up "in the basket" as I can see it's quite difficult (but a mother loves all her children so it'll stay!) Interesting that you looked primarily at the "galaxy" aspect of it. As a woman I wrote it mainly with a view to relationships, so I guess "beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder" I will be looking out for yours for sure - to get the "other side of the moon" perspective :) lol and thanks for stopping by. Bonita j

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

You may be far away but I

You may be far away but I can hear you loud and clear .... Boni your getting better and better my friend I really loved the risk you took with this one and I gave you five having the guts to take a risk but for ME ? I understood it and got it ... and I loved it ... Love Jayne x x

Bonitaj

16 years 11 months ago

Now I'm confused...

Didn't think this one was that obtuse - so I'd be interested to hear your comments on why it was risky... :) lol You and I are on the same wave length so of course you'd get it! THanks for rewarding me with your insights though... I'll take the kudos and run! :) CHeers Boni

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Relationships

Are always risky to write about , lol , but in saying that I didnt meen putting it out here was risky,I meant more writing of relationships lol .... something you or I might find interesting someone else would think is a drivel of words that they cant understand lol ... And as I said above I always seem to be able to travel along the road you make for us in words ... leaning pulling and flowing into each other ... They drag me to the end I hate not knowing thats why I always read to the end , I know some people will glance and maybe the first few words put them off ... I only did that once and went and looked at it later to find I had missed out(till I found it again) one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read .... Every word we put out here is a risk of ourselves and out minds, but to have not taken this journey ? that would be a tragedy ... Much love Jayne x x

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Just one thing

forgot to mention the first line would run better if you made create into [created] just a suggestion but flows better for me ... Love Jayne x x

Bonitaj

16 years 11 months ago

gottcha!

Thanks Jayne! I think it was just a typo 'cause you're absolutely right! Boni x

Ashes4now

16 years 11 months ago

much thought

Hi again. :) Yes, I just logged on and yes, 5 stars. Absolutely love the part- (Did my existence ever eclipse the indifference of your Sun? will my Moon of Melancholy ever be seen by anyone?) though I think (will my Moon of Melancholy ever be seen by anyone?) and (ever be seen by anyone?) should be or how it sounds "like in my head"... Did my existence ever eclipse the indifference of your Sun? How my Star eclipsed the Moon of Melancholy that was seen by everyone? just a suggestion even if it's not the best. Thank you for the comment and suggestion on my poem Feeble Minded Youth. I'll keep it in considiration. Ash D.M.

bjp

16 years 11 months ago

Dear Bonita j,

It is 9:30am here and time to make some espresso, get Olya over here for our ablutions. What a lovely poem. Your Moon of Melancholy is certainly noticed, and sometimes, I think you let a swoon out into those seeing places. The poem even has a blush, with the capitalization of "You" bringing the divine into the possibilities of who is being flirted with. But the reader is left unsure: this could be some skirting. I think you have a nicely sculptured marble here. Do please keep the stanza discussed above as is. I always appreciate those who put themselves on the line to make suggestions. There is a perfect courageous awkwardness to that task which is difficult to congratulate well but this particular suggestion changes the meaning to something too different and far less tension filled. Brian

Bonitaj

16 years 10 months ago

Hello bjp!

It's 9:25 and time to come alive! So delighted you stopped by. Getting your approval is always 1st class - getting 5 stars my orbit is surpassed! :) So it's with "Success" I shall "Surcease"...whilst drawing from the Master! "With his surcease success; that but this blow; Might be the be-all and the end-all here, But here, upon this bank and shoal of time, We'ld jump the life to come. But in these cases; We still have judgment here; that we but teach" Macbeth Best wishes Boni

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Boni,

this piece is incredibly moving, you have found so many achingly beautiful images here. Apart from the odd double spacing, I have only one suggestion: l.17: (the farthest) away from our dreams? As "farther, farthest" usually relates to space, whereas "further, furthest" is to be preferred for things like "further explanation". Oh, and is the capitalized "you"(l.6) on purpose? Then you should do it throughout the whole piece. Yours, ~Nina

Bonitaj

16 years 11 months ago

AH NINA

I love it when you rap me over the nuckles so gently with your corrections! You're right about the CAPITAL YOU thing... so as usual I have much homework corrections to do! Glad you enjoyed the poem. Don't you love this new word APOGEE? I have never heard of it or anyone who has ever heard of it!! :) Don't forget to come back with my stars now please! Danke Boni

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Crap!

Forgot to rate it! Sorry, Boni. Yours, ~Nina