Seren

Jul 09, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Revelation in Forgiveness

Simple words left unsaid
this blindness of pride
unpinning the twine
a haunting
———-
Draping her shadow
crescents of blood
thickens to drizzle
a river of mud to
his presence
———-
Gloried divine
Savior to sole
unhealed in misery
no growing old
the revelation

———-
Centipedes crawling
pains again
poisoning floods
these misty rains
in exorcism

———-

Easing confessions
of screaming torture
reeked a misery
expelled in anger
a cleansing

———-

Unhitched by grace
serendipity flowered
this breeze to face
tendrils of love
seeped to core
is forgiven

— Seren, Jul 09, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Bonitaj

16 years 11 months ago

indeed it does!

and make that re-reading 6x6! What an outstanding piece of mastery. You never cease to amaze me! One question Why the need for "Saviour to sole?" is that just to be different? when you know the reader anticipates SOUL. Interesting to know how you spin these yarns to make our heads spin... Well done yet again! Boni ps. Remind me to give you my little treatise on ENVY someday! Luckily in your case I won't go there - cause you're a friend of mine!

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Boni

Saviour to sole (loss of hope) Unhealing this misery (opening wounds) This one was writen over the few months that I have been here I wrote bits and pieces and tonight I was working on one and then it hit me to combine them all they all seemed relevant to each other ... I wasn't sure if it was going to gel for some people I thought might not get it , thank you so much for your read and comment I am off to try and read a few poems before i go to sleep again LOL (hugz) I would love to hear your treatise one day my friend from a distance though *big smile* Love Jayne x x

Bonitaj

16 years 11 months ago

afore ye go...

You're most welcome. Just to let you know the work on ENVY is not mine - but the well known psychologist Melanie Klein - and it is facinating, especially how it pops up in female relationships and very often destroys them! Read up on it someday! Cheers & sleep tight Boni x

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Ahhhh Yesss

I think i have heard of it though I havent had the pleasure, I am laid up for the next few weeks might have to look it up and have a read thanks for the heads up Boni (hugz) Love Jayne x x

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

six little pieces that fit

six little pieces that fit together nicely, like a jigsaw puzzle! My favorite lines: Unhitched by grace serendipity flowered this breeze to face tendrils of love seeped to core forgiven I found this to be the most revealing part of the poem (love: tendrils of love) Now, it deserves a better title than this. Love, Cat

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Cat ... How right you are

You just dont know it lol I was just about to try and think of a decent name for it , I think it actually deserves one wasn't sure if it had worked but you and Boni changed my mind lol Love Jayne x x (hugz) wasnt sure if I had done a good enough job editing it to be honest bit fuzzy headed the last two days

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

LOL

What kind of pain pills are you on? And the lack of sleep is probably partly to blame. Love, Cat Good title, hey!

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

LOL Cat is it so obvious ?

*Big Grin* they got me on a nerve block and they also been giving me regular shots of the good stuff LOL ... thats why I have been laying low that and licking my wounds I am such a doofus LOL much Love Jayne x x OH !! and I am not doing anything cross my heart (hug) :)

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

transparent, lol.

You best be getting some rest. Or I will have to lecture you! And don't forget to hound Jess on posting that Lymerick he wrote on chat this morning. Love ya, Cat

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

I will and I am going to bed

The suns coming up and the drugs are kicking in ... will make sure Jess gets round to it when hes not working poor guy hope its not raining down there its fine here this morning ... Love Jayne x x

leonard daranjo

16 years 11 months ago

Jayne - this is incredibly good stuff

unbelievable. I tried to pick the one I like best but I couldn't - they are all gems. I absolutely love them. Leonard PS: I hope you are looking after yourself. You have a lot to give the world. Take care.

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Leonard ...

Thank you !!! I am so glad you liked them , it was just chance I had two of them open side by side? and then I noticed that they had a similar theme and then realised there where more that might go with them lol took me 5 hours to go through all the poetry I have writen to work out what would work with it lol pasted them together and well the rest is history after a few hours editing this was the finished product ... I am doing much better today and out of bed and commenting on poetry and reading all that I have missed ... (hugz) thank you my friend I appreciate you greatly Love Jayne x x

Electric Blue

16 years 11 months ago

Revelations in forgiveness

Jayne This title threw me but had to read So overwhelmed the content just spell bound. Awesome takes my breath away Rest well my friend Electric Blue

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

No rest for the wicked lol

I am awake tonight and probably wont be getting much sleep ... I hope your well and have been getting plenty of sleep ... you work too hard ... This one came together In a funny way , But I am glad I did it now , had all those little poems laying about and now they have a home in one lol ... But it was an unusual way for me to put together a poem,*Big Smile*So glad you liked it ... take care huni (hugz) Love Jayne x

Geezer

16 years 11 months ago

All are right!

All are right! This definitely needs a better title! Maybe "Forgiven"? I love the way it hangs together. I believe in the flying fickle finger of fate. We all take twists and turns in life, and this is what happens when we go off down paths untrodden. Fate steps in at the appropriate moment and stands there for us to notice! So glad you noticed! Great work! Sorry to hear you are in such pain, hope it eases soon! Gentle Hugz! [not to waken misery] ~ Gee. P.S. I got the sole. [Meaning the bottom or base of it!]

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Gee

Thank you so much .. I am tired tonight but I am glad you liked this one it was in bits and pieces in four folders on my computer so i finally got round to sorting it out lol and this one , just come together serendipty had a hand in it ... Love Jayne (hugz) going to post a poem and bed later have a great day hun

Fleur MacDonald

16 years 11 months ago

What can I say

these six work so well together and yet you do it again my dear! And do it so well!! :)fleur

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

You know lately ?

I have writen a few of these with friends in mind hoping they would like them,this one came together in a weird way but I am so happy you like it,thank you your my every present friend and critic and I know when i write something bad you will let me know LOL as good friends always do (hug) Love Jayne x

Kailashana

16 years 11 months ago

Pure spirit, my

Pure spirit, my friend... Gate gate paragate... gone gone gone beyond.. ~A "It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." Mahatma Gandhi

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Anna

This one came together and just kept revealing more secrets to me (hug) Love Jayne x x