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Candlewitch
Candlewitch
Jul 09, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Land Of Lemmings

Faddist clone drinking

Imitative emetic substance

Involving abstract relations

Laxative ipecac and diuretic

Diagnosed prospective purgative

Exclusive tympanic symphony

Firmly insert enema hose  in ear canal

While awaiting brainwashing and bedtime stories

Delivered with cookies and milk of magnesia


— Candlewitch, Jul 09, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more., Candlewitch

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Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

16 years 11 months ago

Cat...

it seems that you were angry while jotting this one down, or at least to me anyway... titles... the first thing that jumped out to me was keeping up with the Jones's... but it is an entirely played out line... runway battles, cattle dancing, mass appeal just a few... great write!!! Richard
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Richard

Thanks greatly for your input and title suggestions. I had been angry, but had cooled off some before I wrote this. It is about a person in my life who doesn't think before she acts and decided to go along with the crowd in a thoughtless act. Loved the title "cattle dancing" and will think on it. Always, Cat
B

barbsdad2003

16 years 11 months ago

My mind jumped to ...

something like "Get Real" or "So Get Real." Before reading your comment, I had thought of the many times I want news from my TV but get instead the current pabulum. You know, whatever the media crocodiles're circling at the moment. Which of course leaves little to no time for news of significance that then goes/passes by unreported (or is given short shrift). That is, the kind of news that really does affect/impact the world (and me and loved ones), both its present and its future. Whatever's most inauthentic (it seems to my cynical self) seems to carry the day. And I don't see signs of alleviation in that regard. Back to individuals (and relationships), it's a tough, confusing world that seeks to bypass relevance and run (always running) straight to whatever's garnering most of today's all too transitory attention. As a sort of escape, I suppose, from what really matters. My point, I guess, I should make here is that this piece got me thinking. Which's---usually, anyway---a good thing. At least I hope so. And whether you wrote from anger or from anything else is not so relevant as the truth that this is a darned good write. No surprise, that. Thanx again, Chuck
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

I Know What You Mean!

I get so frustrated with the news, most of which I couldn't care less about. Especially when a person has to wade through fifty minutes of garbage to get to the important issues. Thanks so much for reading and sharing your thoughts and ideas with me. I hope that this poem getting you thinking produces good things for you... maybe even a new poem? That would be good for all of us readers! Hugs, Cat
Seren

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Cat ...

let me think on the title when I go to bed , I like angry , it helps you shake everything else off (hugz) big love Jayne x x
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Cat,

love the write. Have nothing to add but to throw in my title suggestion. "Imitations" or "Ersatz" might be possibilities. Yours, ~Nina
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Nina

Iimitations, is half right, but it needs just a little bit more. Perhaps I should explain: This young woman is a crowd follower (but very arrogantly believes she is one of a kind) Her friends decided that they would try bulemia as a way to lose weight, that way they wouldn't have to cut down on their pleasure of eating. So they bought some over the counter diuretics, laxatives and got hold of some ipecac to purge themselves. She thought this was a brilliant idea... after all models do it! She was the same way with "cutting." One of her friends suggested that they all cut up their arms and legs to freak out other people and perhaps get special perks (as bribes not to do it anymore) from their familys. In this poem I'm not putting down people who have these real problems, (I'm a bulimic and cutter who has it under control with medication and education)but the fakers who do these things to be "cool!" Maybe the title: "Imitation Sheep" (?) Thanks for reading and your suggestion. Always, Cat
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Cat,

that's what I got from the write, someone who is faking something and not really living a life of their own, a crowd follower, yes. And someone who tries everything offered to them, regardless of the damage they do to themselves. Ersatz Pain - feeling pain instead of other things Ersatz Food - eating pills and drugs instead of food Imitation adept - doing all this because someone told them to do it "Lemmings" are those little furry things that will all jump from any height if one of them jumps, I think it's more appropriate here than "sheep". That's all I can think of right now. Yours, ~Nina P.S. Did think of something else now...have you read "Brave New World"? The "hypnopaedic" method used on the children there?
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

Cat

I'd like to see something that ties in the lines from enema tube in ear canals, to the finish - because those were just totally awesome images. If you like, you can borrow my title from a poem of mine called Human Prosthetic. Seems somewhat fitting! LOL! Will have to give it more thought. Definitely heard the cat hiss in this one. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Why worry? There should be laughter after pain. There should be sunshine after rain. These things have always been the same. So why worry now?" - Dire Straits
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Jess

Thanks for the line suggestion. I have changed a couple of lines in hopes to do just that. I think that your title suggestion is a great one, but I'm not sure it fits my poem to the best advantage. Always (the hissing) cat
Eduardo Cruz

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 11 months ago

Cat,

who ever this is they are definitely a gluten for punishment. I don't want to experience any of those ills. Here's a title: "Threaten me with a Good Time" it made me sick, to many bodily discharges. I felt the pain of the brain washing via the ear!!! Great work!!! thanks, Eddie
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Eddie

You are so right, it is a sickening situation! I like your title suggestion, too, as it is kind of sarcastic and I like where that goes... will have to think on it some. Thank you. Always, Cat
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Hello Leonard

Thank you so much for stopping by to read my poem. I appreciate the response and thank you for the stars! Always, Cat
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

16 years 11 months ago

Review and title

I would review this piece and insert punctuation to aid in flow and pacing. Right now it just ends with an exclamation point and that loses its emphasis through the length of the sentence. Imagine someone shouting for 3 minutes verses talking normally for 2.75 and ending in a shout. As for a title, I'm drawn toward the following: "You Fought the Hype, and the Hype Won" To support the general feeling of inevitability of the piece and to bring a familiar note that will draw the reader in. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Thank You

For your review, comment and title suggestion. I see what you mean about the need for punctuation, and the exclamation point at the end seems redundant to me. I will work on this tonight. Always, Cat p.s. Thanks for the raw truth =)
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Dear Jonathan

As I was trying to punctuate this poem, I realized that it is an unstructured poem. It is more a collection of fragments and I don't see how to punctuate it. Could you help me with this? or maybe it would be best left with no punctuation at all? I really liked your title suggestion, it made me laugh. But I'm going to go with my hubby's suggestion mixed with Nina's suggestion; "Land of Lemmings." Thank you for all of your help. It is appreciated.
Jonathan Moore

Jonathan Moore

16 years 11 months ago

Good Title

I actually like it better than mine. As for punctuation, leaving it without punctuation is an excellent idea, thus allowing he reader to define flow and pacing. My only issue was with the ending exclamation point and I see you've removed that. Good work and great implementation of the inspiration that arose from suggestions. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Thank you

for your help and suggestions, I appreciate it. I read my husband your saying: Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available) And he really got a chuckle out of it! Always, Cat
ID

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Cat.

I like the title. To me, it suggests that these people live in their separate world, where "following the crowd" is the name of the game. Yours, ~Nina
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Dear Nina

I took your "lemmings" and added my hubby's "land of" to it. The impression you got from it is the one I want to get across. Thank you for your suggestions and comments. Always, Cat
Seren

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

I loved the name I thought

I loved the name I thought it suited it beautifully lol I am glad you ignored my suggestion it was silly as most of my titles are I can rarely think them up without doing my head in lol (hug) loved it the first time and I enjoyed it even more this time ... Love Jayne x x
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 10 months ago

Cat

Ahh.... those depressed little rodents! Love what you've come up with for the title! ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Sundown you better take care if I find you've been creepin' 'round my back stairs. Sometimes I think it's a sin when I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losing again" - Gordon Lightfoot
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 10 months ago

Lamentations for a

Lamentations for a Lemming... And we're all going over the edge... in a manner of speaking, makes me want to wash out my mind with soap. ;-) ~A "Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood." T. S. Eliot
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

LOL

Loved your humorous response, Anna! Always, Cat
KS

Kenneth Sharp

16 years 10 months ago

I absolutely loved the title

I absolutely loved the title and theme. The pacing seemed to be almost tactile with the words you chose. It oozed a sort of dejected contempt for us as 'the masses'. Can't say that I've never felt that disdain either.