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B
barbsdad2003
Jul 10, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

though it is true



==

though
it is
true

my hair left me years
ago to my baldness, at

times I wonder, as
I come close to sleep at the
fore of night in my

solitary bed,
just how my hair is faring
wherever it may

be ... and I wish it
well, and imagine all is

by now forgiven

==

(version
above
or
version
below)

==


though
it is
true

my hair left me years
ago for my baldness, at

times I wonder, as
I come close to sleep at the
fore of night in my

solitary bed,
just how my hair is faring
wherever it may

be ... and I wish it
well, and imagine all is

by now forgiven

==
 

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Country/Region: USA

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Comments

I

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Chuck,

love this one and laugh at it, for I have posted my own hairy woes yesterday... Yours, ~Nina
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

LOL!

Hi Chuck! I had to read this to my hubby, who is also losing his hair. He is getting pretty bald on top and to add insult to injury... the hair that is left on the sides and back is curley brown! He got quite a chuckle out of your poem. In March, I had chemo (a light dosage in pill form) for my Inverse Psoriasis. The doctor thought it might surpress the situation. My hair started to thin a bit. I wasn't as gracious about my loss, as you are. I cried. But I did laugh when I read your poem. Thanks for that. Always, Cat p.s. Is the cute critter in your picture a new family member?
B

barbsdad2003

16 years 10 months ago

In response to your p.s. ...

the "cute" critter in the pic's a family-member reject. Did a lot of damage before we got her/him outta here. Rascally home invaders like those have a lot of nerve breaking in like they can/are wont to do. Yours, Chuck
A

Arrow

16 years 10 months ago

Subtle

I particularly like lines 9-10 and 14, which touch very, very gently on the sense of loss and, I think, (out)rage we feel at our loss of youth/vigor/faculties. You comb through that issue as gingerly as a balding man combs his hair, to extend the analogy if I may. I also like the subtle use of "fore", which I assume was to tie into the image of the forehead. My only suggestion would be considering the use of the word "for" rather than "to" in: "ago to/for my baldness." I think it is still technically accurate but it reads more absurdly and this is a absurd poem. But I will leave that to the master, of course.
B

barbsdad2003

16 years 10 months ago

Partly in deference ...

to your suggestion (which I most appreciate) ... and partly out of respect for judgments of others at this site ... I've now posted both the original (with the to before the my baldness) and the revised per your suggesteded alter to the for before the my baldness. My preference still lies with the original; though it's interesting how meaning's altered with the variation. It could be that others here will agree with you ... and not with me ... on a better treatment. We'll see, I guess. Or not. Thanx: for the read, the suggestion for consideration, and any etceteras not here mentioned. Yours, Chuck
A

Arrow

16 years 10 months ago

How gracious

but you need not defer if you think it's not right. I agree with what Nina said below about how "to" reads and if this is what you want to convey, please leave it as is. So, you have one member (me) pulled to the absurd and another pulled to the poignant. Well, good man, that is the plight of writing a skillful poem that embodies both qualities!
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 10 months ago

Oh the serendipity of

Oh the serendipity of things.... i just posted the following at Poetry Chaikhana... "as long as no one does a comb-over, I'm ok with it." And now for the heart & soul of your poem, Chuck, the meat and potatoes, as it were.... absolutely heartachingly, gut-wrenchingly beautiful poem... this is an image, a feeling, a realization I will NEVER EVER forget. Thank you. ~A "It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." Mahatma Gandhi
B

bjp

16 years 10 months ago

Dear Charles,

What a deft hairline! I read it as a metaphor, which I like very much. Brian
B

barbsdad2003

16 years 10 months ago

Thank ...

you, Brian. Always appreciate your input. I so much respect your talent/abilities/judgment calls. Yours, Chuck PS: Hi, Olya.
I

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Chuck,

I prefer your original version. You were left "to" your baldness, in the sense that your hair left you behind, or that's what I get from that "to"... Yours, ~Nina
B

barbsdad2003

16 years 10 months ago

That ...

really was my intent. I must confess the original intention was to make it a very funny write. I've always considered men's concern about their loss of hair as to rest a bit on the silly side. After all, what is the problem? I mean really. I also saw, as Brian noticed, the very serious metaphorical aspect of this piece. Which I think lends much strength to it. Lucky, I guess. I mean in how it came out. Yours again, Chuck