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M
mantiscepter
Jul 08, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

When The Breath Of Life Leaves

There will still
sail leaves
with the fresh breaths
of newborns
replenishing
with goodness
the life years
from us torn
from the grasps
of our fingers
our souls depart on 
to dark
past remembrance
like time
before dawn
but
 with brightened trails 
through our
journeys end 
for through our lives
we have
 made amends
leaving behind
a start of two
a world
filled creation
for the birth
of the new
seeds
that through us
bore
like sparkling steams
that had come
in our travels
like
mountain filled dreams
their will always
be some-one
to care for these
as the hopes
of so many 
when the breath
of life leaves


— mantiscepter, Jul 08, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

M

mantiscepter

16 years 9 months ago

writting

thanx for your words of wisdom, and for taking your time to comment on my work. I know this is old, but I hope you see it. it took me awhile to figure how things work,out here and on my computer,still learning but hope to get better I listen to many views and opinions, everyone has a point of some kind, not everyone writes the same. some people break the rhythm of a poem on purpose, unless they know what the person was thinking, or the actual state of mind the were in when they wrote the piece, which may have been yesterday or thirty years earlier. or it was written for someone for a special reason. we as writers in my opinion should know these things before we try to rewrite or change what they have spent their feelings and heart trying to create. [ It Is What It Is ] and thats the way it should be. thanx again Mantiscepter
M

mantiscepter

16 years 9 months ago

thoughts

thanks for your reply, there are a lot of emotions, floating out here on the site, I try to read between the lines, so not to hurt; I know some people write to release, and why this release is imperative, is most important. either from a loved one parting, separation, or maybe just a depressed person, looking for support. I personally try to pay attentions to the remark: { parameters] I'm Sorry if I came across rude, If so, I apologize. I don't care what people say about my writing, I'm a very secure person, thats why I choose, any of the criticism they want to hit me with. hey live and learn, My motto. thanks again. Mantiscepter
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 9 months ago

Dear Praying Mantis,

Dear Praying Mantis, Kaligantsarus, yours heart are true to the words you write. We are kindred spirits, poets meeting in the purity of a blank page. ~A
M

mantiscepter

16 years 9 months ago

Preying

Thanks Kaliashana for the words, of kindness, and for reading my poems. hope to hear from you again. Mantiscepter
Seren

Seren

16 years 9 months ago

Dear John

This is really beautiful my friend I am sorry I missed it first time round .. love and hugz Jayne x x x
M

mantiscepter

16 years 9 months ago

Leaving

Sorry Jayne I missed your comment, I know we all have lives to live, we take time off to go places,for our family, what-ever,and I did. Love john. Mantiscepter Ps thanks for the warm fuzzies.